Something is Rotten in the State of Denmark

It's been a year since I've posted.  I suppose one of the personal consequences of being cut down by life last year is that I have lost the drive to write.  As I've been climbing my way back out of grief over dealing with hurtful false accusations, the loss of loved ones and losing our unborn child to spina bifida, I've thrown myself into service.  

My humanitarian efforts for the Uganda project have been very successful thanks to the donations of our amazing community.  We will be sending another batch of kits over next month.  

But as a person who makes it a daily habit of listening to the Holy Spirit and following the promptings I receive, I couldn't ignore the multiple promptings pushing me towards the elementary school.  

"I can't do that," was my constant inner dialogue.  "I'm just a mom.  I don't have a degree, I have no teaching skills beyond preschool age and young women's, and I know absolutely nothing about the curriculum or classroom management."  Yet the promptings kept coming, even dreams about working at the school.  

Fast forward to the end of the school year and I can't even believe how much I've grown and learned after following those promptings. I took a risk by jumping into something where I had no idea whether or not I would succeed or fail, and the risk has paid off by an explosion of love.  Love from little children whom I love and care for, and love from wonderful coworkers who are the best of the best and a love of teaching I didn't know I had.  

I wish I could say that these good experiences are what have finally given me the drive to write again, and one day I want to take the time to write an epic post heralding and championing our wonderful teachers.  Parents, you have no idea how much they do for your children, how much personal time and expense they give.  It is a calling, and a life of servitude to our children with little praise. 

It is in defense of teachers and all good-doers that I have these swelling feelings that need to get out.  Shakespeare described so well what I'm feeling when he wrote:

"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."  

Something is not right in our society, friends.  If I don't give voice to it I might explode. 

Parents:  Stop going nuts with worry. 

Be cautious, yes.  Be informed, and by all means protect your children but stop going nuts and being irrational.  Take a breath, step back and keep your heads on straight.  

There are many things I see at the school where this has taken it's toll and once again, I could write more posts about them.  But it's this one issue that has me fired up, mostly because it has affected me so personally.

I am overwhelmed to think of how devious the evildoers in society can be.  And I'm personally guilty of this - they have tainted us into distrusting good people who would actually help our children along in this crazy world.  

Yes, predators can appear to be kind, caring and even goofy that they worm their way into our hearts and homes.  They have committed atrocities of the worst kind.  We have trusted them with our kids and then been burned.  We hold our children a little tighter and trust a little less.

But on the other side of the issue, let us be careful not to automatically distrust everyone.  Some people are genuinely kind, caring and even goofy.  Some people just genuinely feel called by God to love your children and serve them.  

Automatic distrust of people who have been entrusted with your children is not only leading to over-the-top security precautions that are sucking the joy out of life for everyone, as well as unreasonable demands for teachers and administration, but they can also lead to actual injustice.  

I am the first to admit that I myself as a parent have been guilty of this over worrying and distrust.  But my new vantage point at the school and being the recipient of false accusations myself has given me further insight.  

Something is rotten in society when it begins to feel suspicious of any kindly, kid-friendly adults, particularly men but women aren't exempt.  We wonder, 
"Why are they so nice?  Why do they REALLY like being around children?

I am drawing some sources from a wonderful blog I like called "Free Range Kids" which tries to shed some light on the other side of the issue by 

"Fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps, kidnapping, germs, grades, flashers, frustration, failure, baby snatchers, bugs, bullies, men, sleepovers and/or the perils of a non-organic grape."

In an April 2012 article she references a letter to the editor of the New Yorker in which the writer stated:

"…while the sexual abuse of a child is monstrous and unpardonable, falsely accusing or prosecuting someone for such a crime is scarcely less horrific, particularly in a state like Colorado, where the penalty can be life in prison. The majority of cases are far more difficult to decipher, often involving a single incident, with no witnesses or physical evidence, and reliant on the imperfect memory and acuity of a child. Gladwell describes the process and effectiveness of “grooming”—the means used by child molesters to establish themselves in communities they plan to exploit. Doesn’t it stand to reason that children can also be influenced by panicked parents and aggressive or poorly trained investigators? There is ample research showing the fallibility of child outcry and testimony, and the suggestiveness of forensic interviews, anatomical drawings, and other techniques. …. Allegations of sexual abuse are, among other things, a profound test of our dedication to the principle of the presumption of innocence."

I'm seeing this same over-swinging of the pendulum with the "Me too" movement.  It is an issue that has been long overdue and so needed, and actual perpetrators should be exposed and brought to justice.  However, in the emotional hype created by the movement, I can't help but wonder how many innocent people's lives have been ruined by false accusations?  

I am troubled by the fact that I may have actually found my calling in life, with a potential to have enormous ripple effects of good, but I'm afraid to pursue it because there are so many hyper-sensitive parents and people out there that teachers, medical professionals,  anyone out there trying to do good can't do their best because of the fear and danger of being sued or accused.  Good doers are being held back by this fear EVERY DAY, and our children are suffering because of it.  

It is common knowledge in the field of child development that the importance of touch is vital to a child's healthy growth and development, and not just from family members.  Even worm larvae do better when they are exposed to personal touch.  This study linked developmental delays to the lack of sensory stimulation and touch.  

Yet, those of us who work with children are forbidden to touch or hug a child other than a handshake or high five in order to protect ourselves.  This is painful to me - it directly goes against my nature and also is painful to put away a child that so lovingly throws their arms around you with all of the trust in the world.  

Here is my suggestion, parents:  If you have boundaries for your children, how about just kindly and calmly letting a teacher or professional know right off the bat what they are?  

"If it's alright with you, we are more of a handshake and high five kind of family instead of hugs," 
or 
"My child is sensitive to personal contact, a high five is great."  

This article says it well about over-reacting and accusing teachers:
"In reality this is fundamentally damaging to human trust and social well-being. It cannot be sensible to require good people, with no abusive interest or intent, to think and act as if they and their colleagues are abusers with something to hide."

It's taking a heavy toll people.  

In this survey:

"More than a fifth of school staff have been falsely accused by pupils of some form of abuse or bullying, a survey has found.
And nearly one in seven has had a false allegation made against them by a student’s parent or family member.
The Association of Teachers and Lecturers (ATL), which carried out the research, said false allegations had ‘irretrievably damaged’ careers and ‘blighted’ lives.
Some teachers said they were considering leaving the profession because of the increase in allegations – which they blamed on a lack of parental discipline."

Or in my case, they are afraid to even begin a career in teaching.  

Are the problems caused by these allegations really so bad?
Yes...
*A staggering 28 per cent of teachers say they have had a false allegation made against them by a pupil

*Some teachers have had to wait more than two years before they are cleared

*Some of those eventually declared innocent have found it too traumatic to return to the classroom

Society - my kids need good teachers who love them.  My son needs good male role models for teachers.  Don't scare them away by freaking out and accusing them at every turn.  
Don't scare the good doers away.  


How about, we be our teachers' partners instead of their prosecutors? 

How about, we keep our heads on straight and take a breath before reacting?

I think that's what I'm going to do before I completely swear off becoming a teacher.  Take a breath and think before making a decision. But it's hard because I'm feeling disillusioned at the moment.   Until then, I hope I can do my part as a parent to support my kids' teachers and all of those good-doers in my life.  

I hope that you will too.