Chloe and Homeschooling Update

The past few weeks in a nutshell:

- I battled the insurance company for a month to try and get Chloe into an OCD specific intensive treatment center in Centerville that does exposure therapy.  They claimed that Summit Day Treatment, an in-network facility was just as good and that they did OCD specific therapy.

- Chloe went to Summit Day treatment for a week, but just as predicted, it wasn't a good fit so we took her out.  The following weeks while we waited to find a new treatment were full of ups and downs but we got through it and have learned a lot!

- Homeschooling has had it's ups and downs, but for the most part was a great decision and has been really really good for our family.  I am still on the hunt for mentors/social groups but I think I have pinned down a curriculum and have decided not to go with online public school.  Our biggest challenge is figuring out our new family rhythm and how to work together but it's been such a testimony boost as I can see the Lord's hand in my life daily, guiding me to the solutions.

- I battled the insurance company for a week and FINALLY got her into the OCD clinic where she has started doing half days for 3- 6 weeks.  It's called the Center for OCD and Anxiety in Centerville.  It is AWESOME and we are already feeling things start to change.

- We truly have the BEST family, friends, and neighbors in the world.  The love just keeps pouring in and we are so humbled and grateful!


If you want more details:

A little more about the OCD treatment and exposure therapy.

Funny video used in the clinic's orientation describing what people with OCD go through.

I can't even tell you how many times I told Chloe to "Sing and Primary song or say a prayer and the bad thoughts will go away."  Or, "Just don't think those things!  Stop it!"  It took me a while to understand that it is literally a misfiring in the brain, telling the body that there is danger and attaching a fight or flight response to specific thoughts.  Her therapist told me that he could literally show me on a brain scan where the misfiring is occurring.  As I've been learning more, it seems as if those who are genetically predisposed can have symptoms begin or worsen as they begin to go through puberty when more hormones come into play.

The way to create new neuro-pathways is by exposing a person to the things that make them have the fear response, and re-teach the brain that a fight or flight response or anxiety is not warranted.

So for example, one of the therapists' wives has OCD and was being affected by a debilitating fear of spiders.  It had progressed to the point that she couldn't go outside or let her children go outside because there might be spiders out there.  The therapists slowly and gradually exposed her to the things that brought her anxiety and worked with her until her brain and her body no longer had a fight or flight response and that trigger no longer causes her anxiety.  Then they raise the level of intensity and make it harder.

They first had her sit in a room while the therapist held a bag that had a picture of a spider in it.  She could barely do it, but soon the fear began to decrease and her brain registered that there wasn't really any danger after all.  So as soon as she felt okay with being in the room with the bag, then she had to sit closer and start all over again.  Then take the picture out of the bag, and then work on holding the picture of the spider.  Then they eventually worked all the way up to going to the pet store and holding a tarantula herself.  Then watching her kids hold a tarantula.  So eventually, the body creates new neuropathways that that particular trigger or fear doesn't warrant a fight or flight response.

One of Chloe's debilitating fears is that harm will come to her family or loved ones.  When there are any triggers that make her think of death, harm, natural disasters, sickness, car accidents, etc. then her body activates an extreme fight or flight response.  So the therapists are slowly and gradually exposing her to the things that bring her anxiety, and then they work with her until her brain and her body no longer have a fight or flight response and that trigger no longer causes her anxiety.  Then they raise the level of intensity and make it harder.

This week, Chloe is working on just writing the sentence,  "My family might be hurt or my family might die."  Just writing the sentence puts her at an 8 on an anxiety scale of 1-10.  But after working on the exposure for the day, and using the tools that they are teaching her she ended at a 4.  I am anxious to see what they do next, but they mentioned that they may even go as far as going to the cemetery.  It's really interesting but more importantly, Chloe is happy there, we love all of the therapists and the culture they have created.  They are such a blessing!  I will keep you posted.

A little more about homeschooling:

Those who are LDS will understand this analogy...have you ever been sitting in fast and testimony meeting and you feel the Spirit prompt you to go up and bear your testimony?  You don't know what you are supposed to say, or why, but you want to be obedient so you walk up to the podium on faith, hoping that the Spirit will move you to say what is needed.  Then you bear your testimony and sure enough, the Spirit gives you words and thoughts you wouldn't have had for yourself, you share them and people say that it was just what they needed to hear or it brought them a lot of comfort.  So you realize it all worked out, but you weren't so sure when you initially had the prompting.

That pretty much explains how I feel about our transition into home education.  I know I'm supposed to do it, and that it will work out, but right now I don't know the particulars of how and I'm walking on faith each day.  But I can say that walking by the Spirit in such a big way is a new and thrilling, as well as a refining process.  And I can truly say that I AM being guided to little things each day which line upon line build our new foundation as I let go and let the Lord mold our little family into what HE wants us to be.  There have been a few tears, but mostly it has been extremely faith promoting.

I mentioned the refining process:  I never realized how judgmental I am.  I never thought of myself as judgmental, particularly because people frequently praise me for being non judgmental.  But as I have gone through this week the Lord has shown me that my pre-conceived ideas and judgments are sometimes false, and I need to expand my thinking while considering the beam in my own eye.

We have begun holding morning devotionals with the kids.  I cannot tell you how this has changed the feeling in our home and brought the Spirit in a big way.  We were watching this video and I could really relate:  Looking Through Windows.

I'm a conformist  and a mainstream kind of girl.  I always have been.  I like to go with the crowd and fit in, not stand out.  So my whole life I have been resistant to anything that went against social norms or philosophies.

The Spirit reminded me that a long time ago, I had an incorrect pre-conceived idea about Mormons, that I judged them and wouldn't even consider listening to their message because I thought they were religious zealots and waaaaay off track of the social norm.

But then a crisis of faith with the death of my father humbled me, and I turned to the Lord for direction.  "Show me where the answers are, show me what to do." And guess where he led me?  Towards the thing I initially believed was weird and outside of the mainstream belief.

This has been a pattern in my life.  I have seen it time and time again....I initially resisted natural health and essential oils because it wasn't the social norm.  And because I was turned off by multilevel marketing.  But guess what, then I had a crisis of health that couldn't be fixed by any Western medicine approach I tried.  That caused me to humble myself and ask the Lord "Show me where the answers are, show me what to do."  And guess where I was led...towards natural health and essential oils!

The same thing about energy work and the same pattern.  The same thing about keeping ALL of my covenants and living a COMPLETELY righteous life, because Mormons that keep ALL of their covenants were too "Mormony" and not relatable, self-righteous and judgmental of others who didn't hold to their same high standards.  Or that they got caught up too much in the letter of the law and not the spirit of the law.  But I've learned that striving to keep all of my covenants with exactness gives me a lot of comfort and power, and that a completely righteous life is the only way for me to be happy.

And now I have arrived at another preconceived idea blown away.  "I don't want to be a homeschool family because they are WEIRD."  Yet I'm finally sensing that the Lord's answers are more often than not going to be outside of the social and cultural norm and I am learning to be okay with that!

I had to do some work to let go of my belief that homeschooling was not effective, here were the three preconceived ideas that I had and how my beliefs are changing as I learn more:

1.  LDS children should be placed in public school to be exposed to the world and to evil so that they may be made stronger.  If you shelter your children from the public school environment how will they react when they come of age and are forced into the world?

I was reminded by the Spirit of the Lord's admonition to "Stand in Holy Places," and I have truly gained a testimony of this.   I learned is that sometimes you can avoid getting burned by staying as far away from the fire as you can.

2.  Homeschoolers are not socialized.
  I think all of our ideas about homeschooling have been formed by dealing with those of the antiquated generation, but modern day homeschooling is different.  Also, conformity is not always in harmony with the teachings of Jesus Christ, and if your child is "weird" they are going to be weird whether at home or at school, homeschooling doesn't make kids "weird."

3.  I am not capable of homeschooling, I would never be able to know what to teach my children, the education of children should be trusted to the professionals.
Who knows my child better than Heavenly Father and their parents?  It's so interesting as I make homeschooling plans for the day, sometimes I feel really excited about them but after I follow the Spirit, I scrap my plans I was so excited about and just do what I'm guided to do.  We always have the most powerful lessons on those days.

It just so happens that I was guided to these essays by Jerry Salcido, a prominent lawyer in Salt Lake City and they wrapped all of my concerns up in three tidy little nutshells.   Links are below if you want to learn more.

Essay on Homeschooling Standing in Holy Places
Essay on Homeschooling You are Capable
Essay on Homeschooling Socialization argument

So I guess what I'm learning is that there will always be extremes in every walk of life, including natural health, the LDS faith and in homeschooling but that the people that put a bad taste in my mouth because they are extreme shouldn't deter me from at least considering the possibility that there may be truth that I need, only in a much more balanced way.  I hope that this experience has made me a much more open minded person.

Each day I hold fast to the belief that "It WILL all work out!"  Thanks for helping us along on our journey!  We love you!