"Not THAT!"

I do something ridiculous when I contemplate the various trials of human existence.  I tell God "I could never do THAT trial!"  Does anyone else do this?

People like to quote the "God never gives you something you can't handle" quote and thinking that I know myself, I think there are just some things that would absolutely break me and I would never be able to come out of whole.   I have had a running list of "unthinkable" trials in my mind since my youth.  The list includes the most heinous crimes such as having a child be kidnapped and/or hurt by a predator in any way, death or suffering of any of my children,  dying alone in a nursing home neglected and lonely, being buried alive...I have thought through and placed on my "Trials Blacklist" some really terrible scenarios.  Most of the scenarios involve me or a loved one suffering.  But there is one category of trials on the list that seems almost worse than any suffering I could endure.

They are the scenarios in which I cause the suffering of someone else.

I have shuddered inside at the fear of ever inadvertently or carelessly harming someone in any way.    How would I ever live with the guilt?

Of course, as it usually happens when I think I can tell Heavenly Father what to do, He has greater lessons for me and a wiser plan.  Last week I was forced to face one of those great fears.

On my way to meet a friend for our morning walk, I was making a left hand turn from my neighborhood onto the sometimes busy South Weber Drive, which on that day appeared to be completely unoccupied.  With my hands on ten and two, I looked both ways and accelerated to make the turn when in a split-second I felt a crunch and saw a man on a bicycle, first on the hood of my car, then rolling off onto the ground.

The visual flash of that moment continues to haunt me as I sleep, go about my day, drive...it continually pops up out of nowhere as if the incident wasn't enough.  My psyche continues to torture me with the post-traumautic reminders of what I have done and how horrible it was.

Sparing the details that followed the accident, in short, the man was alright other than shock and being banged up with scrapes and bruises and a very ruined bike which we quickly replaced with a new one.  In the aftermath of the accident throughout my attempts to make reparations I had the opportunity to get to know this man, and was hit even further with the unthinkable possibility that I could have permanently ruined this good and humble man's life with my mistake.

Thankfully, it wasn't worse.  It could have been so much worse.  But in the end, I still hurt a person who didn't deserve it.  Why did this have to happen?  Why oh why did my Heavenly Father not send down those angels that He promises will be by my side to bear me up and shield that man from me, or give me some sort of warning or heavenly intervention to prevent it?  He could have.

As I ponder the events that followed the accident,  I can't help but marvel at the fact that although I didn't get heavenly intervention in the form of preventing the accident, I....the perpetrator, the one who deserved very little mercy in my mind was still the recipient of love from a Father in heaven in other forms of heavenly intervention.

I received many tender mercies in which the timing and circumstances were too specific to be anything other than from God.  They were profound and very calculated to let me know that He was with me, and that I was loved.  I was reminded that God can manifest good things out of very bad situations as described in Romans 8:28

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

It was and continues to be a great and valuable lesson.  I believe that one of the lessons is that I don't need to fear trials, because no matter the trial or the fear, I CAN come out of it without being broken.

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.  I used to think in a limited way about that and thought it just meant I can accomplish hard things, or things I'm not equipped to do on my own.  But now I'm seeing that the "all" part encompasses so much more.  It means I can grow in Christ, I can endure in Christ, I can suffer graciously in Christ, I can forgive myself in Christ, I can be healed of any trial through Christ and because of his Infinite Atonement.

It was also a great reminder to me that I mustn't fear mistakes.  In a wonderful Ensign article "Failure is Part of the Plan," , Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles talks about how progress can be messy.  "We are here to learn and grow, but growth doesn’t come without opposition. We all make mistakes."

But this part is the lesson that I have been trying to learn when he says, 
“our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward."

My focus has been on this:  How will I move forward?
I believe that this is where all of those daily efforts to sustain my faith and testimony come into play.  I have the tools to move forward.  I know where to turn for peace.

I am doing that thing which I never thought I could do - forgive myself and be at peace with a traumatic event that was unintentionally caused by me.

I am also beginning to learn that future successes are often built upon past failures.  I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.  To quote the article, "Faith doesn't prevent failure, it makes it meaningful."

I am realizing that through hard work and guidance from the Spirit, I have developed a personal formula for finding peace in trials and I can now say that I know it works.  I won't share the particulars because they are individual to me, but I challenge you to ask God to help you develop that formula for yourself.   It will most definitely involve prayer, service to others and seeking solace in the temple.  I don't don't know how to do it without serving others or going to the temple.

If you aren't able to go to the temple, just go sit on the temple grounds and you will feel an increased measure of peace.  I promise.

I hope that I can get to the point where I can say "I am thankful for this trial".  I hope that sharing this might help uplift you, and that my openness and vulnerability can help someone else to heal too.

And as you go about your week and make mistakes, just remember Molly and think,
"It could be worse, at least I didn't almost kill someone on a bike with my car!"

You're welcome :)

Touch Ten Temples

How far is heaven?

It’s not very far.

In temples of God,

It’s right where we are.

President Thomas S. Monson:

"As we touch the temple and love the temple, our lives will reflect our faith. As we go to the holy house, as we remember the covenants we make therein, we will be able to bear every trial and overcome each temptation. The temple provides purpose for our lives. It brings peace to our souls—not the peace provided by men but the peace promised by the Son of God when He said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”2

As we touch the temple, the temple will touch us."

I am constantly amazed at my stupidity.  

I know that is a strange way to begin, but as I look back on this trip and how much I dragged my feet in planning it, how much I complained to the Lord in my mind and during prayers about the prompting I had received to do this activity and now I wonder why.  

I think about how I profess to believe the promises that are given to us through scriptures and modern revelation, but sometimes don't really believe them in my heart.  

OF COURSE if the Lord prompts you to do something it's going to be worthwhile. 

OF COURSE it's going to be for a reason and for the benefit of someone in your path.  Why am I always forgetting this?  

Back to the beginning:  many years ago one of my little piano students told me that her grandparents had taken her family on a Touch Ten Temples trip.  I thought it sounded like a cool idea, and put it in my mental folder to do as a family some day.  

Year after year I thought "We should do that trip," but it never came to fruition.  Every time I thought about it, I would think "I mean, you just drive all day and get in and out of the car to just go up and touch the temples?  It kinda sounds not worth the effort and expense."  So I would shove the idea away. 

Last week, there was an extremely long wait as I was sitting in the endowment session of the Ogden Temple, while my nephew was taking out his endowments for the first time.  It was about ten straight minutes of silence.  It was during that silence that a voice as clear as day impressed upon my mind:

DO THE  TEN TEMPLES ACTIVITY. 

No, it shouldn't be in all caps.  The feeling was all caps, but the voice was a faint whisper that I could have easily ignored - 

Do the ten temples activity....

Yes, it was more like that.  

And me being stupid me, immediately thought:  

"Ugh...really?  I don't want to do this!"  

I started doing the rationalizing thing in my mind that is also stupid:  "But it is so BUSY, and  I'm tired, and who will come and it's a lot of work, and not a very practical activity, and will my kids even want to do it, etc."  

Do the ten temples activity....

"I mean, is driving around and touching temples really worth all that is required to put this together?"

At some point, I remembered all of the other times in my life when I have been stupid and tried to rationalize away a prompting, and something inside me wised up and realized that it didn't matter whether I wanted to or not, I had received a direct prompting - I couldn't deny it -  and must keep my commitment to myself to follow all promptings from the Spirit. The Lord must have something in mind for someone.

I didn't expect that someone would be me.  I thought I would be helping others with this project, but to my surprise, this activity had a profound effect on me.  

First, it started with the research.  I googled "Touch the temple" and a few talks by President Monson appeared.  In one of them was a promise:

"As we touch the temple, the temple will touch us."

 I still had doubts that this activity would really be any kind of profound experience, but I do know that "Whether it be by my own voice, or by the voice of my servants, it is the same." D&C 1.  And so I trusted that if there was a promise that the temple would touch us, then it would.

And it DID.  It really did

Yesterday I experienced something really special.  Something inside me is changed.  I feel as if I have stepped through the veil into heaven and then stepped back again.  I want this feeling to stay with me forever.  I could weep every time I think about it.  

It was worth every effort and then some.  And in the end, it wasn't really that much effort.  But what was really cool, was all of the people the Lord so obviously placed in our path during the trip.  

We started off with breakfast at Kneaders in Ogden, where I gave them their passports I found here

I told them to take a moment and write about how they felt at each temple.  We would paste the pictures after the activity.
They also really got into the road trip bingo cards I gave them for the car ride (find printables here):

Ogden Temple

 Right at the start, we got stares from other temple patrons as the kids who were dressed comfortably, but not very reverently, ran through the temple grounds very loudly and up to the temple to touch it.  As I was taking this picture, I noticed the grounds worker looking at us curiously so I explained what we were doing.

"Ten temples in one day?!"  (I came to be familiar with that response)

He immediately used it as an opportunity to counsel the teens with me.

"Pick your favorite temple, and set it in stone in your mind that you will not settle for anything less than taking your sweetheart there someday."

His name was Luis and he proceeded to tell us a story about how he joined the church when he was 28.  He had been dating a girl for 7 years when he visited the L.A. temple and made a goal that he wanted to get married there someday.  He decided to go on a mission.  By the time he got home, he was 30 and was ready to marry this girl whom he had loved for so long but she would not marry him in the temple.  He thought, "I'm 30 years old with no prospects.  There's probably a good chance I will not have the opportunity to marry again.  But if I can't marry this girl in the temple, but more specifically in the L.A. temple then I have to end it."  It was really sad and hard, but he just KNEW he had to get married in the Los Angeles temple.  

Four months later he met the girl that would become his wife.  She had just put in her papers to go on a mission.  She told him, "If you meet someone while I am gone, don't miss the opportunity to get married because of me," but he ended up waiting for her to return and guess what....

They were married in the L.A. temple. 

The day he was at the L.A. temple, he was offered a job as a groundskeeper there, and that is how he eventually came to work his way to the position at the Ogden Temple.  

And be there at the doors, on the exact day, at the exact moment we went to touch the temple.  I still don't know which one of us needed that story, or what difference it will make in our lives, but I know that we were meant to cross paths and hear his story.  

You can immediately feel a difference inside when you are on the temple grounds.  It feels so good.  It's PEACE beyond understanding.  Even the kids could feel it.  The boys took a moment to soak it in:

#2 Bountiful Temple

I printed out a Bountiful Temple Scavenger Hunt found here.  

Next, Salt Lake Temple and Temple Square.

I had to use the bathroom, so I ran ahead to the Visitor's Center and while I was waiting for them to arrive, I got to talking with the sister missionaries there.  

After the kids arrived, I got to share my story about how when I was 11 our family traveled out west from VA. and visited temple square.  I filled out one of those cards in my hand, which asks for your address if you want to know more.  Sister missionaries visited me and left me a Book of Mormon with a picture of a family and their testimony pasted in it. I always kept it on my shelf and had a feeling that it was special. 

Years later, I began dating a member of the LDS church and started going to youth events with him.  One of the really cool youth leaders was Brother Dewey and all of the youth loved him.  Needing a father figure in my life, I connected with him as well.  

I finally figured out that the Book of Mormon I had on my shelf was associated with their church, so I dug it out and guess whose testimony it was on the inside of my book?

Brother Dewey.  He was older and had more kids but it was him.  And I thought, "Well now I have to read it if Brother Dewey endorsed it!"

I was so glad I had the opportunity to tell the kids my story and bear my testimony.  Here are our future missionaries at the visitor center:

 

On to the Jordan River Temple

Then seven minutes down the road to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple.  

 

We were all surprised at how close they really were, and it really hit home how lucky we are to be able to visit 10 temples in one day when many saints save their whole lives to travel to a temple one time.  I shared how when I went to college at Virginia Tech, we had to drive 3 1/2 hours from Blacksburg to the Washington D.C. temple.  They were like....whoa!

 Draper Temple

We took the back mountain pass to the Mount Timpanogos temple and it was BEAUTIFUL!

Provo temple had BEAUTIFUL flowers!

Provo City Center Temple

The kids were excited to find another Christus statue there.

And here we are holding up ten fingers because we made it to Payson, temple #10!

We didn't realize what was happening to us as we were going from temple to temple, but at the very last, I spoke with one of the kids and we both confirmed that we felt different inside.  I challenged the kids to write a letter to their future selves, deciding now that they would take their sweetheart to the temple and reminding themselves that they could feel a difference after today.

President Monson was right, touching the temple DID touch us!  

It was really a simple activity with big spiritual effects.  And also super fun!  

It was a huge reminder that when you receive a prompting - DO IT!   The promises are true. This experience was a huge testimony boost of the power of the temple.  Even just spending time on the temple grounds has the power to bring you closer to Christ.  

This is HIS church.  I know it is true. 

Something is Rotten in the State of Denmark

It's been a year since I've posted.  I suppose one of the personal consequences of being cut down by life last year is that I have lost the drive to write.  As I've been climbing my way back out of grief over dealing with hurtful false accusations, the loss of loved ones and losing our unborn child to spina bifida, I've thrown myself into service.  

My humanitarian efforts for the Uganda project have been very successful thanks to the donations of our amazing community.  We will be sending another batch of kits over next month.  

But as a person who makes it a daily habit of listening to the Holy Spirit and following the promptings I receive, I couldn't ignore the multiple promptings pushing me towards the elementary school.  

"I can't do that," was my constant inner dialogue.  "I'm just a mom.  I don't have a degree, I have no teaching skills beyond preschool age and young women's, and I know absolutely nothing about the curriculum or classroom management."  Yet the promptings kept coming, even dreams about working at the school.  

Fast forward to the end of the school year and I can't even believe how much I've grown and learned after following those promptings. I took a risk by jumping into something where I had no idea whether or not I would succeed or fail, and the risk has paid off by an explosion of love.  Love from little children whom I love and care for, and love from wonderful coworkers who are the best of the best and a love of teaching I didn't know I had.  

I wish I could say that these good experiences are what have finally given me the drive to write again, and one day I want to take the time to write an epic post heralding and championing our wonderful teachers.  Parents, you have no idea how much they do for your children, how much personal time and expense they give.  It is a calling, and a life of servitude to our children with little praise. 

It is in defense of teachers and all good-doers that I have these swelling feelings that need to get out.  Shakespeare described so well what I'm feeling when he wrote:

"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."  

Something is not right in our society, friends.  If I don't give voice to it I might explode. 

Parents:  Stop going nuts with worry. 

Be cautious, yes.  Be informed, and by all means protect your children but stop going nuts and being irrational.  Take a breath, step back and keep your heads on straight.  

There are many things I see at the school where this has taken it's toll and once again, I could write more posts about them.  But it's this one issue that has me fired up, mostly because it has affected me so personally.

I am overwhelmed to think of how devious the evildoers in society can be.  And I'm personally guilty of this - they have tainted us into distrusting good people who would actually help our children along in this crazy world.  

Yes, predators can appear to be kind, caring and even goofy that they worm their way into our hearts and homes.  They have committed atrocities of the worst kind.  We have trusted them with our kids and then been burned.  We hold our children a little tighter and trust a little less.

But on the other side of the issue, let us be careful not to automatically distrust everyone.  Some people are genuinely kind, caring and even goofy.  Some people just genuinely feel called by God to love your children and serve them.  

Automatic distrust of people who have been entrusted with your children is not only leading to over-the-top security precautions that are sucking the joy out of life for everyone, as well as unreasonable demands for teachers and administration, but they can also lead to actual injustice.  

I am the first to admit that I myself as a parent have been guilty of this over worrying and distrust.  But my new vantage point at the school and being the recipient of false accusations myself has given me further insight.  

Something is rotten in society when it begins to feel suspicious of any kindly, kid-friendly adults, particularly men but women aren't exempt.  We wonder, 
"Why are they so nice?  Why do they REALLY like being around children?

I am drawing some sources from a wonderful blog I like called "Free Range Kids" which tries to shed some light on the other side of the issue by 

"Fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps, kidnapping, germs, grades, flashers, frustration, failure, baby snatchers, bugs, bullies, men, sleepovers and/or the perils of a non-organic grape."

In an April 2012 article she references a letter to the editor of the New Yorker in which the writer stated:

"…while the sexual abuse of a child is monstrous and unpardonable, falsely accusing or prosecuting someone for such a crime is scarcely less horrific, particularly in a state like Colorado, where the penalty can be life in prison. The majority of cases are far more difficult to decipher, often involving a single incident, with no witnesses or physical evidence, and reliant on the imperfect memory and acuity of a child. Gladwell describes the process and effectiveness of “grooming”—the means used by child molesters to establish themselves in communities they plan to exploit. Doesn’t it stand to reason that children can also be influenced by panicked parents and aggressive or poorly trained investigators? There is ample research showing the fallibility of child outcry and testimony, and the suggestiveness of forensic interviews, anatomical drawings, and other techniques. …. Allegations of sexual abuse are, among other things, a profound test of our dedication to the principle of the presumption of innocence."

I'm seeing this same over-swinging of the pendulum with the "Me too" movement.  It is an issue that has been long overdue and so needed, and actual perpetrators should be exposed and brought to justice.  However, in the emotional hype created by the movement, I can't help but wonder how many innocent people's lives have been ruined by false accusations?  

I am troubled by the fact that I may have actually found my calling in life, with a potential to have enormous ripple effects of good, but I'm afraid to pursue it because there are so many hyper-sensitive parents and people out there that teachers, medical professionals,  anyone out there trying to do good can't do their best because of the fear and danger of being sued or accused.  Good doers are being held back by this fear EVERY DAY, and our children are suffering because of it.  

It is common knowledge in the field of child development that the importance of touch is vital to a child's healthy growth and development, and not just from family members.  Even worm larvae do better when they are exposed to personal touch.  This study linked developmental delays to the lack of sensory stimulation and touch.  

Yet, those of us who work with children are forbidden to touch or hug a child other than a handshake or high five in order to protect ourselves.  This is painful to me - it directly goes against my nature and also is painful to put away a child that so lovingly throws their arms around you with all of the trust in the world.  

Here is my suggestion, parents:  If you have boundaries for your children, how about just kindly and calmly letting a teacher or professional know right off the bat what they are?  

"If it's alright with you, we are more of a handshake and high five kind of family instead of hugs," 
or 
"My child is sensitive to personal contact, a high five is great."  

This article says it well about over-reacting and accusing teachers:
"In reality this is fundamentally damaging to human trust and social well-being. It cannot be sensible to require good people, with no abusive interest or intent, to think and act as if they and their colleagues are abusers with something to hide."

It's taking a heavy toll people.  

In this survey:

"More than a fifth of school staff have been falsely accused by pupils of some form of abuse or bullying, a survey has found.
And nearly one in seven has had a false allegation made against them by a student’s parent or family member.
The Association of Teachers and Lecturers (ATL), which carried out the research, said false allegations had ‘irretrievably damaged’ careers and ‘blighted’ lives.
Some teachers said they were considering leaving the profession because of the increase in allegations – which they blamed on a lack of parental discipline."

Or in my case, they are afraid to even begin a career in teaching.  

Are the problems caused by these allegations really so bad?
Yes...
*A staggering 28 per cent of teachers say they have had a false allegation made against them by a pupil

*Some teachers have had to wait more than two years before they are cleared

*Some of those eventually declared innocent have found it too traumatic to return to the classroom

Society - my kids need good teachers who love them.  My son needs good male role models for teachers.  Don't scare them away by freaking out and accusing them at every turn.  
Don't scare the good doers away.  


How about, we be our teachers' partners instead of their prosecutors? 

How about, we keep our heads on straight and take a breath before reacting?

I think that's what I'm going to do before I completely swear off becoming a teacher.  Take a breath and think before making a decision. But it's hard because I'm feeling disillusioned at the moment.   Until then, I hope I can do my part as a parent to support my kids' teachers and all of those good-doers in my life.  

I hope that you will too.