For those of you that don't know, Pioneer Trek is an LDS Church activity held once every four years with the purpose of helping youth experience firsthand the faith and determination of the pioneers. They reenact some of the faith building experiences of the pioneers and ancestors who journeyed to the Salt Lake Valley in the mid 1800s. They are organized into "families" with a Ma and Pa at the head, wear pioneer-era clothing, pull handcarts, and discuss the faith of those who made courageous sacrifices to gather to Zion. The church owns a ranch called Deseret Livestock just past Evanston Wyoming that is also used for Pioneer Treks.
If you're thinking that this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, then you and I would have been on the exact same page before I actually experienced it for myself.
Pre-trek Miracle #1
The last time our stake had a trek, I had many friends who returned with many stories and bolstered spirits and I looked at them from a distance and thought to myself, "You couldn't pay me a million dollars to do that."
Mostly because of my fear of physical discomfort, and also the state of my health at that time was so bad that I didn't even think for a second it would be physically possible for me to walk that many miles in the heat while pushing a handcart, then sleeping on the ground in a shelter of my own making. At that time I had a mystery illness, that mimicked MS so closely that I actually had a neurologist tell me he was 100% positive I had MS before doing the actual brain scan. (Don't ever go to Dr. Sadiq). He was flabbergasted that he was wrong. I had spent years in pain, weak and frail, endured many painful tests, unable to do many things I used to enjoy and going through the repetitive cycles of trying another new type of doctor hoping for results, then giving up and accepting my fate. I can't even recall how many years I spent doing this.
Just after we sold our house and moved, the girls and I were hit by a teen driver and we all got whiplash. During treatments, I was in pretty bad shape. I can remember not even being able to walk without assistance during the bad times. I would have to crawl to get around. I had severe stomach spasms, had several miscarriages and Chloe was going through her anxiety issues and treatment. I can't think of a worse possible time to receive a calling and have the faith to accept it.
Luckily, the Lord knew what he was doing. First, he put Chad and Cheri Burchell in charge of the Trek Activities. Then he helped them assemble a committee of the most fun people on the planet. And then he inspired them to call us to that committee. It was pitched to me like this by the high councilman who extended the calling:
"You may attend trek but you don't have to, and if you do, you won't have to walk. You can sleep in a tent with an air mattress. And you get to spend all of this time with these amazing fun people planning fun activities for the kids at trek."
DONE.
Nevermind that I was already the Primary music director and had just been called to be the Young Women's Girls' Camp Director, and I was just beginning to homeschool my family because my daughter was in the middle of treatment for a major health crisis while we were simultaneously seeking treatment from the effects of the car accident. AND trek was to be held the week before girls' camp. It was craziness to accept, yet I felt the Spirit so strongly that I could not deny it. I had to trust that the Lord would help me, and help everything to work out.
So I began my work with the activities committee and enjoyed every minute of it. All three of my callings were bright spots during a very difficult time, and I found joy as I lost myself in service. Slowly but surely, things began to get better. The 2-3x a week visits to our awesome chiropractor Ryan Bosley were beginning to pay off. Chloe began to improve with her treatments and eventually progressed out of intensive therapy at the Anxiety and OCD clinic. We were finding our homeschooling groove and I had been guided down the road of natural health, and also uncovered that an unknown allergy to wheat had been a major cause of my health problems. Slowly but surely I began to feel better and stronger.
John and I were prompted to begin a workout regimen that in order to fit into our schedules required us to get up at 4:30 AM to work out together. As I exercised, I would think to myself,
"Why are you doing this? You don't have anything to prove, you're pretty in shape and you already walk with Emily for exercise." Even though it didn't make any sense because we weren't supposed to be walking for our Trek calling, the Spirit would whisper,
"You are doing this so you can be strong for trek."
A few months later we got a call from the high councilman again. I legitimately thought John was going to be asked to become a stake financial auditor again, so I was completely blindsided when we were extended the assignment to become a "Ma and Pa" for Trek. I was immediately paralyzed with fear.
"No! There is NO WAY! Girls Camp is right around the corner, not to mention that I could literally die! I have never done anything so physically demanding in all my life and I might end up in a body cast somewhere in Wyoming!"
I willed John to say no. I just knew he would say no because he was also serving in the Elder's Quorum presidency and dealing with just as much stress as I was. Just doing the activities committee was a stretch for us so I waited for the no...
"Well," he said, "We've already got the time off."
I piped in, fully prepared to shut him down,
"Girls Camp begins only one day after we would return from Trek...." and then I felt it again. My dear friend the Holy Spirit. I know His voice. I know what He feels like and I've made it a life practice to always try to listen and obey. He was telling me that I needed to do this. With a lump in my throat, I said yes with as much faith as I could muster but all I could feel was fear, fear, fear.
Brother Jeffrey then set us apart and gave us priesthood blessings. During the blessing I was blown away by the promises and the blessings that awaited us by accepting this calling. I thought,
"These are the blessings of eternity, the most important things in life, and all things that I want. These are all things that are totally worth a little bit of physical discomfort." During the blessing I felt peace, but then as soon as I left the office I fretted all the way home and cried myself to sleep.
"How would my kids ever live without me if I died on Trek?" I cried and fretted a lot.
Family, friends, and even my bishop were worried about me. My doctor told me
"Why did you accept this assignment? How are you ever going to do this? You should've said NO." All I could say was,
"I felt the Spirit so strongly."
Now that I have returned from the experience, it seems silly to me that I worried so much. But as I have pondered this I am reminded of the law of opposition: and have noticed that the more things that were stacked against me and the harder the adversary worked on me, the greater I have been able to see Heavenly Father's hand in the process, and the greater the blessings I received from trek. I now have a very firm testimony that with the Lord, all things are possible. NOTHING is impossible if it is His will, I know this is true and I hoped it would be true as I struggled against the adversary during the preparatory months.
To say that I struggled was an understatement. As a convert to the LDS faith without much prior leadership experience, Girls camp experience and with or ZERO previous Trek experience to fall back on, the burden of Camp and Trek felt huge. I prayed so hard, every day. I prayed for the kids that would be in my family, and that the right kids would be put in my care, I prayed that my family would be okay at home, I prayed that the Lord would qualify me. I mostly prayed for time in the midst of homeschooling, teaching preschool and piano that I would have the needed time to prepare. I fasted a lot. I took it to the temple a lot. I asked for priesthood blessings.
Now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the manner in which I was called was a miracle. If I had been asked to be a "Ma" when all of the other Ma's and Pa's were called, I would have had to say no. I could barely walk at that time. I couldn't have physically done it. But the Lord in his mercy and perfect timing blessed me that I was able to get well just in time for the later calling extension. Its not a coincidence that I had been working out religiously with John so that I was stronger.
My health on trek was miraculous. Aside from annoying blisters, I never got sore, was hardly tired or hungry and was able to function on little or no sleep for days. No back pain, no pain at all. Lots of energy and stamina. I would wake up each morning in wonder at how great I felt.
We were told not to push the handcart unless needed, but I felt prompted that my family needed to see me working just as hard as them, with them and alongside them. So I pushed a lot. I would push and walk and then when it was time to stop and rest, I would still have the energy to make everyone lunch or help set up camp, or wash feet and tend to blisters... even dance at the hoedown! I had the energy to keep going and going. It truly was a miracle for me.
I haven't felt this good in so long, it feels like a new start. During Trek, and even now I am finally able to attack life physically again in the way that I used to in my youth, and had longed to do as an adult with major health problems.
I look back at my old self, the one who cried and fretted and thought she was going to die and think,
"Oh ye of little faith! Don't you trust what the Almighty can do?" It pains me to think that in my limited foresight and knowledge I could have turned down one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I hoped that I would be blessed, I prayed for increased faith that it would work out, and now that I have returned with more blessings than I can even comprehend, I marvel at how even my flawed faith could still be the faith that preceded the miracle.
I can't wait to write more about the miracles I witnessed, the things I learned, and the blessings I have received.
My Heavenly Father has been SO GOOD to me.
