Conversion Story / Sacrament Meeting Talk

I did not give this entire talk, this is my talk woven with a few personal thoughts that I also wanted to write down.  But it's pretty much the full story.  

As a child growing up in Virginia, not of any particular faith, I can recall countless times hearing my family complain about the Jehovas Witnesses and Mormons missionaries who always knock on your door and interrupt your dinner.  Sort of like a door to door telemarketer. 

Side note:  I did not realize that Mormons were the same thing as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I thought Mormons were maybe Amish, or had multiple wives and WAAAAYY off track.  I only knew the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from the tv commercials, and that they sometimes went to church on Saturday.  Either way, I thought they were all really weird.  Now I know that “Mormons” is actually a nickname given to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because we have the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ.  We actually prefer to be called Church of Jesus Christ, Latter-day Saints, or LDS for short. 

I believed people’s faith should be private and not enforced on anyone else. So even after becoming a member of the church, it took me a long time to understand

 “Why DO we do missionary work?” 

Elder Bednar’s talk in October 2014 Conference called “Come and See” was addressed to those not of our faith, but touched me a lot, and helped me completely understand why we are a missionary church.  

1.  We have A Divine Commission

Elder Bednar says, “The Church of Jesus Christ always has been and always will be a missionary church. The individual members of the Savior’s Church have accepted the solemn obligation to assist in fulfilling the divine commission given by the Lord to His Apostles, as recorded in the New Testament:

‘Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:’”

We can do this by sharing the gospel as we live day to day, or some of us choose or have chosen to serve full time missions.  As of last Dec. a force of 85,147 full time missionaries are currently laboring in over 150 sovereign states around the world. 

I have a special place in my heart for all of the types of missionaries that have touched my life.  My first experience with missionaries was as an 11 year old child.  I grew up in Virginia, and our family had taken a vacation out west.  During our travels we stopped at temple square in Salt Lake City.  I specifically remember telling my mother that I wanted to live there someday, because I loved the feeling in Salt Lake City.  We never ever thought it would actually come true….:)

After doing the tour at temple square they give you a card asking for your information if you want to speak to the missionaries, and being eleven, all I saw was ADDRESS, so I filled out my information and just a few days after returning from our trip, Sister missionaries were at our door.   Since I was the one who filled out the card, I got to be the one to speak with them.  

I had the best feeling talking to those sisters.  It was probably the first time in my life I had truly felt the Holy Ghost.  They left me with a Book of Mormon and a Gospel Principles book and after they left I told my mom “I want to go to that church.”  She said, “No way, they are a cult.” And that was that.  I noticed that on the inside of the Book of Mormon was a picture of a family with their written testimony.  I put the books on my bookshelf and although I never read them, they survived every year’s spring cleaning because I felt like they were special and couldn’t bear to throw them away.  Something deep inside told me to “save those for later.”

I never saw those missionaries again.  I wasn’t counted as a baptism for them on their mission but what they don’t know is that they planted seeds in my heart, and they made a difference.  Thank goodness we send out missionaries!

It was about that time that things went really bad for me.  My parents had divorced and both remarried, and our situation at home with my stepfather was not good.  I had a run in with evil that as a child, turned my world upside down.  At the same time my father was diagnosed with cancer, and although I prayed with all of my heart that he would be healed, I witnessed his health decline until he passed away three years later just before my 15^th birthday.  I had one living grandparent who was like a second mother to me, her house was my safe place from the storms.  She unexpectedly passed away just one month after my father. 

In my young mind, I rationalized that if God really existed, a loving God wouldn’t ignore prayers and let so many bad things happen to me.  I totally lost what little faith in God that I had, and my life started to take a downward turn.  I went from being a good kid with good grades to not caring about my grades, making poor choices and breaking my mother and stepfather’s rules.  Unfortunately, I began to be indoctrinated in the ways of the world and in wickedness. 

I can truly testify that wickedness never was happiness.  It was the darkest, most lonely, empty and desperate time in my life.  There was no light, and there was no hope.  I was lost and I was hurt and angry.

Even though I left God, throughout that time He never left me.  I had friends, some who were even members of the church who were good examples to me.  I saw the good things and the high standards that they kept in school and activities and it would spark my conscience that I should be doing better.  That I was better than my behavior was showing.

I just had my 20^th high school reunion last month and had the opportunity to meet with one of those friends.  She told me she was sorry she hadn’t been a better member missionary to me throughout jr. high and high school.  I said, “Well let me tell you all of the ways you taught me through just the way you lived your life and your example.” She was amazed at how much she had affected me and taught me without even knowing it.  From refusing to cheat in school to befriending everyone of all social statuses, opting out of events with rated R movies and just plain being kind… those friends didn’t think they had made a difference but she and they had planted seeds in my heart, further preparing me.   Thank goodness we are a missionary church!

Finally after a rock bottom moment around my Jr. year, I was so sick of being in pain.  I cried out to God “I need you!  If you are there, I NEED to know.  I want to know who you are, and why I am here on this earth.”  I decided that I needed to turn my life around.  I stopped some of the destructive behaviors and activities.  I began searching for a church to go to.  I would ask all of my friends what church they went to, and could I go with them?  I began to take steps towards bringing light back into my life. 

Back to Elder Bednar’s talk:  the second reason why we share the gospel is because absolute truth exists.  He says, “Absolute truth exists in a world that increasingly disdains and dismisses absolutes.”

It had never occurred to me that there could be a church that was the actual primitive church of Jesus Christ, restored in it’s fullness in the latter-days.  I just thought that people went to the church that was the best fit for them.  It never occurred to me that the Savior’s original church could have been restored, and that He leads his church through living prophets and apostles, with all of the keys and priesthood authority restored to the earth.  That priesthood authority gives worthy males the right to work miracles and act in His name.   I did however, know that I had lots of questions and was desperate for answers. 

When I went to a concert with some new friends from high school, I began dating a member of the church.  I loved the way I felt when I was at his house with his family.  It felt so different from the feeling in my home.   Because I was trying all sorts of new churches, I asked if I could go to his church services with him. 

I loved the warm feeling and the love and attention I was given as people greeted me before sacrament meeting.  I liked the hymns and the children and the family feeling.  I did not however, love being split from my boyfriend into a class with a bunch of girls I didn’t know.  I was about to go home when some girls befriended me and invited me to sit next to them in Young Women’s.  Because of them and my thoughtful teacher, I didn’t mind going back and going to Young Women’s on my own. 

There was a member of the bishopric named Brother Dewey who took a particular interest in helping me, he would check on me and kid around with me.  The youth in the ward loved him and always spoke about how awesome he was.  Not having a loving father figure in my life, I soaked up every bit of love and attention he gave me.

After a while, I figured out that this was the same church that had those books on my shelf, so I got them out.  I tried to read the Book of Mormon, but I had never read scripture before and it made no sense to me at all.  However, when I looked at the family’s testimony inside, coincidentally it was Brother Dewey and his family. I should note that I was going to a totally different ward than the one I was in when the sister missionaries left that book. 

I didn’t understand the scriptures, but I did have the other book the missionaries had left, which was the gospel principles book.  In that book were all of the answers to my questions and more things I hadn’t even thought of.  I read the whole thing in a day.  I knew it was true.  Those members didn’t know the difference they were making, but they were missionaries to me, and planted seeds in my heart that contributed to my conversion.

The next set of missionaries that touched my life were Elders Jasinski and Wilkinson.  They taught me the gospel, encouraged me, were patient with me, and patiently endured all of the things my stepfather did to sabotage the peacefulness in my home while we had our discussions.  I could feel God’s love for me though them. 

It took me a while to understand the concept of a restored church, and I wasn’t sure about whether or not I believed some of the things they were teaching me.  But I did have a testimony about the gospel principles and I was gaining a testimony of the Book of Mormon as I tried to read it.  I also did believe that Joseph Smith was telling the truth, and therefore I was intrigued to learn more. 

I remember the fourth discussion so vividly, it was a life changing moment.  Elder Jasinski began teaching me about the plan of salvation.  Something inside my spirit recognized that there had been a council in heaven, that there had been a plan. 

“Yes, I DID live with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ before I came to earth!” 

I didn’t remember specifics, but I REMEMBERED the plan.  The only thing I can compare it to is losing your keys, and looking all over the house for it in every place you can think of.  Then suddenly you notice them in some random place like the bathroom sink and it all comes back to you,

“Yes, that’s right.  I set them down to wash my hands!”  That’s what it felt like to hear the plan of salvation.  I was learning it, but I already knew it, I had just forgotten.  That was the ultimate conversion moment.  Maybe I wasn’t ready to take the plunge into baptism yet, but I could not deny that it was all true.  The Holy Ghost burned in my heart and testified that it was all true. 

I took a high school trip to England and France, during the time that I was investigating the church and working with Elders Jasinski and Wilkinson.  I could feel their love for me, and to be honest, sometimes their visits were the only time I felt much love in my life.  Even though my mother tried her very hardest, because of the situation with my stepfather, my home was a dark place at that time.  The missionaries along with the ward members and especially the Huntzinger family (my boyfriend’s family) were a light in the darkness and a turning point towards me beginning to heal my spirit.  I didn’t know if I had the courage to make any commitments, but I did know that the Elders wanted what was best for me and so I worked to try and believe everything they were telling me.  I didn’t want to disappoint them. 

As I prepared to leave on my trip, I could tell that Elder Jasinski was worried about my spiritual welfare and what could happen by me leaving the country and taking a break from the progress we were making in my discussions with the missionaries.  I’m sure he also knew that I would face old temptations that I was trying to lay aside.  He gave me a few books to read on the trip, “A Marvelous Work and a Wonder” and “Truth Restored.”  I told him I would read them, and I did. 

Thank goodness he gave me those books.  Although the trip was amazing and I learned a lot, I was totally unprepared for how hard Satan would work to tempt me.  The biggest temptation to overcome at that time was drinking coffee and tea.  Being a southern girl, I can’t even tell you how much I loved coffee and sweet iced tea.  I had been drinking sweet tea since I was a little girl, and coffee every morning of my life since Jr. High.  I still miss them, and they still remain a temptation for me, although it’s easy to resist when I think of how much more I care about having a healthy lifestyle, keeping the Lord’s commandments and receiving those blessings. 

Every day of our trip I was offered coffee and tea.  There were new kinds of English breakfast teas and espressos to try…it was glorious.  I must admit, I partook with relish and didn’t really even think much of it at first.  After all, I had not made the commitment to be baptized and therefore was not bound to the Word of Wisdom.  But as the trip continued, and more importantly as I continued to read the books Elder Jasinski gave me, the coffee didn’t slide down my throat as easily.  I began to feel guilty, but an amazing thing happened:  I began to want to please the Lord more than I wanted the coffee and tea. 

I still remember vividly going into a cafe in France, and ordering an espresso.  I sat at the table, looking out the window towards the Eiffel Tower and enjoyed every last drop of that espresso.  Then I put the cup down, and walked away from coffee and tea forever.  That was the last drop I ever drank.  It was a very important turning point for me. 

It was very important that no one pushed me during my investigating process.  The missionaries were perfect because they didn’t push too hard, but pushed just enough that I finally not only had the courage, but wanted to be baptized.  The gift they gave me began a journey towards healing, and beginning a new life.  I can’t think of a better gift to give someone.  Thank goodness, we are a church that does missionary work. 

Just after I was baptized I went away to school for a year at Virginia Tech, and then decided to study abroad in a country called Malta, which is an island in the Mediterranean.  The next missionary that touched my life was an Elder Collings, who served the people there with his whole heart and soul.  He didn’t know what a difference he was making, but he planted seeds in my heart. 

He returned home to Fruit Heights and I returned home to Virginia, but then transferred to BYU in the spring.  Through the Lord’s hand we were guided together again.  We dated and then were able to be sealed in the temple, have children in the covenant, and have a much different life and family than what I experienced as a child.  Heavenly Father has been so good to me.  Thank goodness we are a missionary church.

The last reason why Elder Bednar says we share the gospel, is that it’s more than just a spiritual duty, but that “our desire to share the restored gospel of Jesus Christ with you is a reflection of how important these truths are to us.”  He told the story of how he and his wife watched his older son patch up his little brother when he was hurt.  The little son in turn, went outside and began putting band aids and ointment on all of the kids in the neighborhood. 

“He immediately and intuitively wanted to give his friends the very thing that helped him when he was hurt. His desire to share was the natural consequence of a most helpful and beneficial personal experience.” 

This is why we share the gospel.  Not because we are trying to shove our faith down your throats, but because we want to help.  Because we know that a relationship with Christ can be the best thing in your life; that through the power of His sacrifice for us, we can overcome anything and truly have peace.  

One of the most important things I have learned is about the enabling power of the Atonement.  This is why I love Elder Bednar so much, (I swear, this should just be an ode to Elder Bednar) because he gave a talk called “In the Strength of the Lord” in October 2004 that changed my life.  At the time, I was struggling with a severe trial and I would always notice people at church talking about the “power of the Atonement.”  I began to ask the Lord in prayer,

“What are they talking about?”  “How is there POWER in the Atonement?”  I understand the redemption part, but is there more? 

It took me a year of struggling, and pleading with the Lord, searching and plain old hard work to understand this concept, until finally I was guided to this talk by Elder Bednar.  I read it in the Ensign or something, and just thought “that’s a nice talk.”  I couldn’t absorb it I guess.  Then my mother in law called me one day and said,

“This is really strange but someone in sacrament meeting was giving a talk about Elder Bednar’s talk on grace and the enabling power of the atonement.  I heard a voice in my head say, ‘you need to tell Molly to read this talk.’”

I told her, “Yeah, I’ve already read that talk.” 

She said, “You need to read it again.” 

So I did.  This time I really studied it.  I began to understand.  I was then lead to a talk called “His Grace is Sufficient,” by Brad Wilcox.   Everything began to change for me.  Up until that time, even though I had been a member of the church, I had still been attacking life’s challenges based on my own strength and my strength alone.  I could see how the Lord had allowed me to suffer though a trial that was so much more than I could handle alone, that I had no choice but to finally submit and turn it all over to Him.  I FINALLY understood the enabling power of the Atonement and how He can succor us because he has been through everything we could possibly experience in mortality.  That He can “help us to see and do and to become good in ways we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity.”  I learned how to lean on the Lord and to “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart.” 

I realized that I needed to learn how to trust, and as I have placed my trust in the Lord, He has never failed me and that trust grows stronger and stronger.  I testify that through the atonement we can be completely healed.  To quote Elder Packer, “The mercy and grace of Jesus Christ are not limited to those who commit sins either of commission or omission, but they encompass the promise of everlasting peace to all who will accept and follow Him and His teachings. His mercy is the mighty healer, even to the wounded innocent.”

We can be completely healed through the power of the atonement.  No matter what we have endured, if we trust in the Lord, and if we desire it, we can forgive others and ourselves, obtain forgiveness, and be healed mind, body, and spirit….and boy, does it feel good. 

I know it is not a coincidence that our little family was guided to South Weber 10 years ago.  Heavenly Father knew I needed you all.  He knew that in order to learn and grow and continue to change, and to learn how to be a righteous wife and mother I would need to be placed somewhere where I could have the best chance for success, by watching and emulating the best of his sons and daughters within the church.  I have grown so much by the things that the brothers and sisters of South Weber have shared with me.   So many of you have helped me along the way and taught me without even knowing it.  You probably don’t know it, but you’ve planted seeds in my heart and made a difference.  Thank goodness we are a missionary church. 

The last thought I want to share is what I believe the most important thing I have learned since becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It took me almost 20 years to finally understand this fact:  that I have worth…not because of anything I do to earn it.  I have worth, not because of how I look, or how much money I have, or how smart I am, or what I accomplish, or how nice I am, or how good I am.  I simply have worth because I exist.  I have worth because I am a beloved daughter of God, a literal descendent of a Divine Father and His precious creation.  I have inherited godly attributes and tremendous potential.

I love this quote from President Faust:

“You sisters do not know the full extent of your influence. You sisters enrich all of humanity. All human life begins with you. Each woman brings her own separate, unique strengths to the family and the Church.

“Being a daughter of God means that if you seek it, you can find your true identity. You will know who you are. This will make you free—not free from restraints, but free from doubts, anxieties, or peer pressure. You will not need to worry,

“Do I look all right?” “Do I sound OK?” “What do people think of me?” A conviction that you are a daughter of God gives you a feeling of comfort in your self-worth. It means that you can find strength in the balm of Christ. It will help you meet the heartaches and challenges with faith and serenity.”

These things I have spoken about are directly from my heart and I testify that they are true.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.