I love General Conference so much.
While everyone else is snoring through the talks, I'm taking notes and hanging on every word. I spent 17 years of my life not hearing the counsel and messages of peace from the Lord through His prophet and apostles, so I appreciate every moment.
Here's a shocker....my kids don't love conference. We don't want it to be a punishment, so we don't require them to sit and listen. But it's always my goal to have activities/treats/traditions so that it wi ll become something that they look forward to and eventually love.
I think this year I have found via Pinterest, my best idea yet.
I bought Sicily a little tent on sale at Target. She is very excited about playing in her tent. I'm thinking it can be her conference tent, where she can play while we listen.
But this is the best...I'm making speaker bags, one for each apostle or member of the first presidency. When that person speaks, they get to open the bag and share the treat. Some examples:
EyRING pops
Dieter's doughnuts
Christofferson's Krispies (RK treats)
Possibly a little irreverent but a mom's gotta do what she's gotta do.
As for me, I always prepare for Conference by praying and posing questions beforehand, but this year I'm getting specific based on a post I read by Al Fox Carraway. WRITE down your questions.
I ALWAYS get answers during General Conference. ALWAYS.
I am going to post my questions before Conference because I'm so sure the answers are going to be there, that afterwards I'll be able to see it visibly as evidence that this method works.
Read on if you dare....It's an anxious and troubled place inside my mind at times.
-When you have a big crossroads kind of decision to make and want to do the Lord's will - you research, pray, fast, go to the temple and do your part but still get no answers...what is that about? Out of all people, aren't those of us who are working hard to know the Lord's will the ones who deserve answers the most?
-So then because you don't get any answers, you just act and choose what you want and what you think is best. And you feel the spirit confirm that it's a good choice and feel really good about it, and you get really excited about that decision but then it ends up being a dead end.....how do you not feel jaded, toyed with, or lose confidence in your ability to participate in the revelatory process? Why would Heavenly Father do that?
-What do you do with bad feelings when you don't want them, but they are there anyway and you can't let them go. People always say to give them to the Savior, but HOW do you do that? If you WANT to forgive, and pray to forgive, why doesn't it happen? Then you feel terrible for having hard feelings even though you're trying not to. You need the Spirit and want the Spirit, but can't feel Him because you're so troubled with these bad feelings that you can't make stop. What do you do with yourself until they go away?
-Why do hard times/blessings always seem to come in big bursts...like when it rains it pours?
-We are supposed to "Be still". How do we do that?
-How can I better endure persecution? Chastisement?
-When you prayerfully act and do something you think is good, and the Spirit doesn't give you any warnings, but then people react badly to that good thing you did....what is that about?
-How do you turn the other cheek when others falsely attack your character? Isn't your character and integrity something that you should defend? Especially when your livelihood and ability to do good in your community depends on others trusting your character. What is the Christ like thing to do in that situation?
-I need inspiration for teaching kids about self control, how to help them strengthen this?
-I've had thoughts about agency - If Heavenly Father won't compromise our agency for anything then why don't we have agency or the choice over when we die or when we are born? Or did we.....you know, before?
Shouldn't we be able to choose when we die in situations where dying would be the compassionate thing to do? I know I didn't articulate that very well.
- We aren't supposed to have pride or try to "keep up with the Joneses", or put stock in THINGS, but we are also counseled to make our homes lovely places and like the temple. How do we feel good about buying new things to make our homes beautiful without feeling bad or guilty that we're being prideful for having nice things? How do we find that balance?
Where do I want to be in my life? Where does Heavenly Father want me to be? What does He want me to be doing?
That is all.
Try the experiment for yourselves! Write down your questions beforehand and you will be amazed at how many of the speakers are inspired with answers JUST FOR YOU. From a loving, merciful Heavenly Father and Savior. Enjoy Conference y'all!
Friday, September 30, 2016
Thursday, September 29, 2016
My Health Journey
Why am I always sharing stuff?
Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself the same thing. It seems I've always got something new to write about or tell others about, or do classes about. What compels me to do this?
Most of you know my spiritual journey. If you don't, you can read about it in previous posts. I used to be a not so great person. I wasn't even close to living to my potential. I didn't know God or the Savior.
Yet, they saw fit to intervene on my behalf. Through the Savior I've grown, I've overcome lots of yucky things, but most importantly I've enjoyed and am enjoying happiness and blessings beyond comprehension.
I have to thank Them. I have to give back. I have given myself over to them, and I want to follow the Spirit in all things. Its just that simple. And the more I do that, the bigger the blessings and the more profound the joy. It's a never ending circle of indebtedness that I'm grateful to be a part of.
So on to my physical health journey.
This is for me.
I have to actually write it all down to keep track of everything, but am also choosing to share in the hopes someone else might find their own inspiration through my trials.
I had gestational diabetes with Carter, my third child. He was almost 10 lbs at birth, and the pregnancy was really hard on me. Carrying around such a big kid and being a mother to two other little ones was hard on my body and it started to fall apart.
I had gallbladder "sludge" and attacks during and after my pregnancy with Carter and so it was recommended that I have my gallbladder removed.
At the same time, I started having back "episodes". I would be doing something simple and then end up flat on my back unable to move. The solution was always muscle relaxers which made me loopy and large doses of ibuprofen until it went away.
My doctor gave me xrays and determined that I had a bulging disk and said I should try physical therapy.
My first day of physical therapy was excrutiating. The stretched me out on a machine and then snapped me back together and when I did, my legs went numb. I have no idea what happened but I went out of that office in worse shape than when I went in. I gradually gained mobility, but I could never move the way I wanted, and every night my legs would go numb and I couldn't sleep. Sometimes just my right leg, sometimes both. I started to become desperate to find some relief.
First chiropractor: Dr. S.
Confirmed that I was in bad shape. Said I could have permanent nerve damage in my legs. Said I needed to come in three times a week, but insurance didn't cover most of it and as a young couple putting the husband through school, we couldn't afford that. So I got a second opinion.
Second chiropractor: Dr. W
Confirmed that I was in bad shape. Said I could have permanent nerve damage in my legs. Said I needed to come in three times a week, but insurance didn't cover most of it and as a young couple putting the husband through school, we couldn't afford that. So I got a third opinion.
Third chiropractor: Dr. D. Confirmed that I was in bad shape. Said I needed to come in three times a week, but insurance didn't cover most of it and as a young couple putting the husband through school, we couldn't afford that.
All chiropractor visits would provide temporary relief, but nothing permanent and it was expensive. So I decided to take the dr. route. My doctor ordered an MRI and confirmed that I had a bulging disk in my back and recommended physical therapy. (ha...ha...hahaha) I told her about some of my other emerging symptoms:
I couldn't think! It was like I was trying to think through sludge. She said this is called brain fog.
I had random buzzing in the muscles inside my body, like a cell phone was going off inside of me.
I would have chest pain and think I was having a heart attack, the first time this happened I went to the emergency clinic and they told me it was a panic attack. The panic attacks were terrible...like a living hell.
I had pain all over, especially when it was cold. My joints would hurt immensely. But consistently I felt like hot pokers were on my legs.
I had intestinal issues, bouts of diarrhea and then constipation. She said it was IBS.
I would get a sinus headache over my right eye every afternoon. If I didn't take ibuprofen then it would turn into a migraine and I'd be down for the rest of the day.
My doctor gave me more muscle relaxers and 800 mg ibuprofen and referred me to a neruologist.
Neurologist: Dr. S.
Listened to my symptoms, did a bunch of tests and then told me he was certain I had symptoms. I fit the profile perfectly as a white female in her early 30's. My back problems were something he usually only saw in obese people, not someone with my small frame.
He ordered a brain scan. I prepared myself for a life of battling MS and dying in a wheelchair. The brain scan came back clean. No lesions. He was stumped.
With the leg numbness, he needed to determine if I had any nerve damage so I had an EMG. If you've never had an EMG, it's a special kind of torture where they stick a long needle into different muscles and shock you with electricity, then record how your muscles react. PAIN PAIN PAIN.
No nerve damage. He said when people like me have symptoms that can't be explained, they have no choice but to call it fibromyalgia. He told me to try an orthopedist for my back.
Orthopedist: Dr. V
Gave me a bunch of exercises and told me to try a decompression table every day where you hang upside down. I said they were too expensive so he said to try hanging from the monkey bars every day. I did those exercises religiously and they actually did help some, but not enough so I then tried...
Physiologist: Dr. H
He recommended cortizone shots in my spine. So I had the procedure done where they numb up your back and then do basically an epidural and inject cortizone. I had high hopes that it would work, but it didn't. Frustrated, I asked the physiologist what I should try next.
He said I should try a chiropractor.
Fourth chiropractor: Dr. R.
Gave me some new insight. He said that I actually had arthritis in my spine, and that my other symptoms may be inflammatory related.
Around this time, in addition to my other physical struggles I began to lose mobility in my hips, and had extreme pain in my hip sockets. I couldn't sit indian style at preschool....I mean physically could not do it. It was really scary for me...what was happening to me? My body seemed to be breaking down and I couldn't do anything to help it or stop it.
Orthopedic Specialist: Dr. B.
Another MRI of my hip showed that I had femoral acetabular impingement. My femur was deformed in how it fit into my hip socket, causing pain and inflammation and probably will eventually result in needing a hip replacement.
More ibuprofen. At this point, I had been taking so much ibuprofen that I got an ulcer. The doctor prescribed me omneprazole, an acid blocker to help the ulcer heal. I would later battle another ulcer after that one.
Physically, I was a mess. Since I really couldn't move or do anything...I spent a lot of time working on strengthening myself physically and growing closer to the Lord. I felt at that point that I had done all I could possibly do within my ability to get better, and that I had the faith that the Lord would heal me. So I asked my husband for a priesthood blessing, fully expecting to be healed after doing all I could do.
This is what the Lord told me in the blessing:
-My Heavenly Father is aware of me
- I will be guided to the foods I should and should not eat, diet changes, to the vitamins, minerals that my body needs to heal itself.
-It may take more time, but I will be healed.
What???? That was not what I wanted to hear! I didn't want to change my diet! That was going to be even more WORK and I was already burned out from trying to get better. Why can't you just heal me???
After I had my temper tantrum, I prayerfully began to read, research, talk to people, and let the Spirit guide me as to what to do.
Craniosacral therapy - Glenna at my chiropractors clinic introduced me to energy work and natural healing techniques. It started me on the right path.
Naturopath - I found an inexpensive naturopath and was re-introduced to muscle testing. I had known all of this stuff before, but because we were on a budget I had stuck to things that insurance would cover. By this point, John had graduated and we had the money for me to start spending more on natural health.
We began to tackle my symptoms one by one, and my body would tell me what supplements it needed for the symptoms I had.
I also got into essential oils because I could no longer take pain pills, my stomach was wrecked. And I was also now allergic to antibiotics because of all of the sinus infections I was getting. I tried using essential oils to tackle one of my biggest and most painful problems: varicose veins. Particularly those in my groin area which were impossibly painful. I tried trace minerals...all kinds of supplements but nothing ever worked.
I was beginning to manage a lot of my mystery symptoms and still had ups and downs. After a routine checkup my care provider suggested I try antidepressants to help with my IBS symptoms and also my panic attacks and anxiety symptoms. She prescribed me fluoxetine (generic for prozac) and my naturopath confirmed through muscle testing that my body needs it. That completely took away my anxiety issues, and allowed my body to calm down. It was a huge step forward.
I began taking supplements and eating foods that decreased inflammation, which helped a lot with the fibromyalgia symptoms. I began eating the Dr. Oz diet. All whole grains, limiting the processed foods. The weirdest thing happened, once I switched over to all whole wheat, I got even sicker.
After waking up one morning with vertigo, I went to see an:
Ear Nose and Throat Specialist - Dr. M
He said my sinuses were totally inflamed and that was causing the vertigo. I told him about my headaches and he did some allergy testing. I can't even tell you my surprise when I got the call from the nurse: You are allergic to wheat. It's not uncommon for a wheat allergy to cause sinus issues.
What???
"Do you have digestive issues as well?"
It was now all beginning to make sense.
I remember driving by the gluten free store in Layton all the time and thinking "Sucks to be them!" I could never live without bread! Giving up gluten was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I think Heavenly Father knew how stupid I am and that I would have to be so very desperate and sick and burned out that I would try ANYTHING to get better.
SO many symptoms improved after going gluten free. Now that my pain was under control, I began to exercise again. After I gave up the gluten, the extra weight melted off of me.
As I continued to seek the Lord's will for me and my little family, I began to have many promptings that we had another little spirit in heaven that was waiting to be a part of our family. So believing the blessing that I would eventually be healed, and with a lot of my issues getting better we went off of birth control, leaving it to the Lord. It actually took me a long time to get pregnant, but as soon as the stick turned pink, I miscarried.
Meanwhile I started having painful stomach spasms, and felt like I had a bladder infection. I went in to the clinic three times thinking I had a UTI and finally was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. Basically, the lining of the bladder gets irritated and you feel burning and like you have to go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME. I was having muscle buzzing again and random muscle twitching that left me exhausted.
What???? My body was falling apart again. I thought the Lord said I would be healed? Why am I not getting better? If I'm supposed to have another baby, why can't I get pregnant?
The stomach spasms were so painful, I couldn't take any medicine and could hardly eat anything. I was referred to a gastroenterologist.
Gastroenterologist: suggested a stomach scope. It was done by Dr. P at McKay Dee.
They couldn't find anything except irritation and scar tissue damage in my stomach but nothing that would be causing the spasms. One of the nurses said that she thought I had biliary diskinesia, which basically is a backflow of the bile that should be coming from your gallbladder but when it's taken out, it gets stuck in your liver. No cure except surgery, and Dr. P told me that surgery was invasive, and often caused even more problems. That it would be something I'd have to live with.
Dr. P. is also a D.O. so I could talk to him about natural health things. I told him about all of my symptoms, my back, interstitial cystitis, in addition to the stomach things. He said they were all symptoms of Central Nervous System issues. My central nervous system was freaking out. If I could figure out how to support my CNS then it might help my symptoms improve.
Back to the naturopath. I also have amazing chiropractors: Dr. B and Dr. L. They do muscle testing and know a lot about natural health. Dr. L. taught me about my ileo secal valve in my intestines. When I eat foods such as caffeine or chocolate, it opens when it's supposed to stay closed. When it opens, waste from the large intestines backs up into the small intestines, causing inflammation. Particularly to the back....in the exact spot where my back hurt. He showed me how to close it myself. I stayed away from chocolate (SO HARD!) and caffeine and began managing my back and stomach pain after 9 years.
I got pregnant again, but immediately lost it. My naturopath helped me figure out that my thyroid was shot. I began taking thyroid natural supplements and my other symptoms disappeared. I was finally managing my health and feeling pretty good, but still had brain fog and low energy.
It was around this time that Chloe got sick, and a friend brought over a can of zeal because she had been able to get off of her anti-depressants. Chloe couldn't handle the taste, so I decided to try it. I was intrigued by the 30 day challenge money-back guarantee, and also noticed that a lot of the ingredients were not only things I was trying to put into my diet every day, but also a lot of the supplements, and it was gluten free.
At first, I got a cold. My friend told me about detoxing and I knew it was true. In the past, anytime I have done a juice cleanse, gone off sugar, processed foods, or done a detox I always get a cold. It's my body's way of detoxing. That was actually a good sign to me. I kept drinking it every day but was busy with Chloe's treatment and didn't pay much attention to whether or not it was working. I didn't notice that I was gaining almost super-human strength in order to homeschool my kids, and also get Chloe through that difficult time, plus still teach piano, preschool and run a household.
We went out of town for the weekend and I was so tired! I felt horrible and couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. When I got home I thought, "I forgot to take my Zeal when I was out of town. Could it be that the zeal makes me feel better?" So I experimented and sure enough, when I took the zeal, I had a clear mind, energy, no pain, no digestive issues, my varicose veins don't hurt anymore, no aches and pains in joints, normal periods, no interstitial cystitis, no stomach spasms, no sinus headaches or migraines. I finally began to maintain a healthy weight. And I didn't get tired in the afternoon like I usually did.
When I didn't take the zeal, the symptoms came back. I looked at all of the supplements and medications I was taking that sporadically worked and added up the monthly costs, then compared it to the monthly cost of zeal. It was a no brainer! I can take all of that stuff and spend all of that money and have it work sometimes, or I can drink one zeal a day and that takes care of ALL of my symptoms. I feel good all the time.
Sometimes when I am hiking or swimming with my kids, or doing things I could not do over these past 10 years because of my health problems, I want to cry just thinking about how grateful I am that Heavenly Father kept his promise in the blessing and did guide me to the things that would help my body heal itself. I feel like I have a second chance at life.
I remember a bunch of ladies asking me to join their walking group and I had to turn them down because of my health problems. I felt so sorry for myself, like I was handicapped. I resigned that I should just be grateful to be alive but also mourned the loss of really LIVING life and the loss of a once very active lifestyle.
Now, I can do anything I want to do. I exercise every day. I walked 25+ miles on Pioneer trek and turned around to do Girls Camp for a week and I felt great, had lots of energy. I believe that I have been guided to Zeal, that the creators are inspired, and it has changed my life.
PLEASE try it. Give the 30 day challenge a try. If it doesn't work, you have nothing to lose but if it can help just one person like it helped me, then I have done my job.
I wish for everyone to feel as good as I do. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who has helped me, guided me, and loved me and I'm determined to pay it forward.
Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself the same thing. It seems I've always got something new to write about or tell others about, or do classes about. What compels me to do this?
Most of you know my spiritual journey. If you don't, you can read about it in previous posts. I used to be a not so great person. I wasn't even close to living to my potential. I didn't know God or the Savior.
Yet, they saw fit to intervene on my behalf. Through the Savior I've grown, I've overcome lots of yucky things, but most importantly I've enjoyed and am enjoying happiness and blessings beyond comprehension.
I have to thank Them. I have to give back. I have given myself over to them, and I want to follow the Spirit in all things. Its just that simple. And the more I do that, the bigger the blessings and the more profound the joy. It's a never ending circle of indebtedness that I'm grateful to be a part of.
So on to my physical health journey.
This is for me.
I have to actually write it all down to keep track of everything, but am also choosing to share in the hopes someone else might find their own inspiration through my trials.
I had gestational diabetes with Carter, my third child. He was almost 10 lbs at birth, and the pregnancy was really hard on me. Carrying around such a big kid and being a mother to two other little ones was hard on my body and it started to fall apart.
I had gallbladder "sludge" and attacks during and after my pregnancy with Carter and so it was recommended that I have my gallbladder removed.
At the same time, I started having back "episodes". I would be doing something simple and then end up flat on my back unable to move. The solution was always muscle relaxers which made me loopy and large doses of ibuprofen until it went away.
My doctor gave me xrays and determined that I had a bulging disk and said I should try physical therapy.
My first day of physical therapy was excrutiating. The stretched me out on a machine and then snapped me back together and when I did, my legs went numb. I have no idea what happened but I went out of that office in worse shape than when I went in. I gradually gained mobility, but I could never move the way I wanted, and every night my legs would go numb and I couldn't sleep. Sometimes just my right leg, sometimes both. I started to become desperate to find some relief.
First chiropractor: Dr. S.
Confirmed that I was in bad shape. Said I could have permanent nerve damage in my legs. Said I needed to come in three times a week, but insurance didn't cover most of it and as a young couple putting the husband through school, we couldn't afford that. So I got a second opinion.
Second chiropractor: Dr. W
Confirmed that I was in bad shape. Said I could have permanent nerve damage in my legs. Said I needed to come in three times a week, but insurance didn't cover most of it and as a young couple putting the husband through school, we couldn't afford that. So I got a third opinion.
Third chiropractor: Dr. D. Confirmed that I was in bad shape. Said I needed to come in three times a week, but insurance didn't cover most of it and as a young couple putting the husband through school, we couldn't afford that.
All chiropractor visits would provide temporary relief, but nothing permanent and it was expensive. So I decided to take the dr. route. My doctor ordered an MRI and confirmed that I had a bulging disk in my back and recommended physical therapy. (ha...ha...hahaha) I told her about some of my other emerging symptoms:
I couldn't think! It was like I was trying to think through sludge. She said this is called brain fog.
I had random buzzing in the muscles inside my body, like a cell phone was going off inside of me.
I would have chest pain and think I was having a heart attack, the first time this happened I went to the emergency clinic and they told me it was a panic attack. The panic attacks were terrible...like a living hell.
I had pain all over, especially when it was cold. My joints would hurt immensely. But consistently I felt like hot pokers were on my legs.
I had intestinal issues, bouts of diarrhea and then constipation. She said it was IBS.
I would get a sinus headache over my right eye every afternoon. If I didn't take ibuprofen then it would turn into a migraine and I'd be down for the rest of the day.
My doctor gave me more muscle relaxers and 800 mg ibuprofen and referred me to a neruologist.
Neurologist: Dr. S.
Listened to my symptoms, did a bunch of tests and then told me he was certain I had symptoms. I fit the profile perfectly as a white female in her early 30's. My back problems were something he usually only saw in obese people, not someone with my small frame.
He ordered a brain scan. I prepared myself for a life of battling MS and dying in a wheelchair. The brain scan came back clean. No lesions. He was stumped.
With the leg numbness, he needed to determine if I had any nerve damage so I had an EMG. If you've never had an EMG, it's a special kind of torture where they stick a long needle into different muscles and shock you with electricity, then record how your muscles react. PAIN PAIN PAIN.
No nerve damage. He said when people like me have symptoms that can't be explained, they have no choice but to call it fibromyalgia. He told me to try an orthopedist for my back.
Orthopedist: Dr. V
Gave me a bunch of exercises and told me to try a decompression table every day where you hang upside down. I said they were too expensive so he said to try hanging from the monkey bars every day. I did those exercises religiously and they actually did help some, but not enough so I then tried...
Physiologist: Dr. H
He recommended cortizone shots in my spine. So I had the procedure done where they numb up your back and then do basically an epidural and inject cortizone. I had high hopes that it would work, but it didn't. Frustrated, I asked the physiologist what I should try next.
He said I should try a chiropractor.
Fourth chiropractor: Dr. R.
Gave me some new insight. He said that I actually had arthritis in my spine, and that my other symptoms may be inflammatory related.
Around this time, in addition to my other physical struggles I began to lose mobility in my hips, and had extreme pain in my hip sockets. I couldn't sit indian style at preschool....I mean physically could not do it. It was really scary for me...what was happening to me? My body seemed to be breaking down and I couldn't do anything to help it or stop it.
Orthopedic Specialist: Dr. B.
Another MRI of my hip showed that I had femoral acetabular impingement. My femur was deformed in how it fit into my hip socket, causing pain and inflammation and probably will eventually result in needing a hip replacement.
More ibuprofen. At this point, I had been taking so much ibuprofen that I got an ulcer. The doctor prescribed me omneprazole, an acid blocker to help the ulcer heal. I would later battle another ulcer after that one.
Physically, I was a mess. Since I really couldn't move or do anything...I spent a lot of time working on strengthening myself physically and growing closer to the Lord. I felt at that point that I had done all I could possibly do within my ability to get better, and that I had the faith that the Lord would heal me. So I asked my husband for a priesthood blessing, fully expecting to be healed after doing all I could do.
This is what the Lord told me in the blessing:
-My Heavenly Father is aware of me
- I will be guided to the foods I should and should not eat, diet changes, to the vitamins, minerals that my body needs to heal itself.
-It may take more time, but I will be healed.
What???? That was not what I wanted to hear! I didn't want to change my diet! That was going to be even more WORK and I was already burned out from trying to get better. Why can't you just heal me???
After I had my temper tantrum, I prayerfully began to read, research, talk to people, and let the Spirit guide me as to what to do.
Craniosacral therapy - Glenna at my chiropractors clinic introduced me to energy work and natural healing techniques. It started me on the right path.
Naturopath - I found an inexpensive naturopath and was re-introduced to muscle testing. I had known all of this stuff before, but because we were on a budget I had stuck to things that insurance would cover. By this point, John had graduated and we had the money for me to start spending more on natural health.
We began to tackle my symptoms one by one, and my body would tell me what supplements it needed for the symptoms I had.
I also got into essential oils because I could no longer take pain pills, my stomach was wrecked. And I was also now allergic to antibiotics because of all of the sinus infections I was getting. I tried using essential oils to tackle one of my biggest and most painful problems: varicose veins. Particularly those in my groin area which were impossibly painful. I tried trace minerals...all kinds of supplements but nothing ever worked.
I was beginning to manage a lot of my mystery symptoms and still had ups and downs. After a routine checkup my care provider suggested I try antidepressants to help with my IBS symptoms and also my panic attacks and anxiety symptoms. She prescribed me fluoxetine (generic for prozac) and my naturopath confirmed through muscle testing that my body needs it. That completely took away my anxiety issues, and allowed my body to calm down. It was a huge step forward.
I began taking supplements and eating foods that decreased inflammation, which helped a lot with the fibromyalgia symptoms. I began eating the Dr. Oz diet. All whole grains, limiting the processed foods. The weirdest thing happened, once I switched over to all whole wheat, I got even sicker.
After waking up one morning with vertigo, I went to see an:
Ear Nose and Throat Specialist - Dr. M
He said my sinuses were totally inflamed and that was causing the vertigo. I told him about my headaches and he did some allergy testing. I can't even tell you my surprise when I got the call from the nurse: You are allergic to wheat. It's not uncommon for a wheat allergy to cause sinus issues.
What???
"Do you have digestive issues as well?"
It was now all beginning to make sense.
I remember driving by the gluten free store in Layton all the time and thinking "Sucks to be them!" I could never live without bread! Giving up gluten was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I think Heavenly Father knew how stupid I am and that I would have to be so very desperate and sick and burned out that I would try ANYTHING to get better.
SO many symptoms improved after going gluten free. Now that my pain was under control, I began to exercise again. After I gave up the gluten, the extra weight melted off of me.
As I continued to seek the Lord's will for me and my little family, I began to have many promptings that we had another little spirit in heaven that was waiting to be a part of our family. So believing the blessing that I would eventually be healed, and with a lot of my issues getting better we went off of birth control, leaving it to the Lord. It actually took me a long time to get pregnant, but as soon as the stick turned pink, I miscarried.
Meanwhile I started having painful stomach spasms, and felt like I had a bladder infection. I went in to the clinic three times thinking I had a UTI and finally was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. Basically, the lining of the bladder gets irritated and you feel burning and like you have to go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME. I was having muscle buzzing again and random muscle twitching that left me exhausted.
What???? My body was falling apart again. I thought the Lord said I would be healed? Why am I not getting better? If I'm supposed to have another baby, why can't I get pregnant?
The stomach spasms were so painful, I couldn't take any medicine and could hardly eat anything. I was referred to a gastroenterologist.
Gastroenterologist: suggested a stomach scope. It was done by Dr. P at McKay Dee.
They couldn't find anything except irritation and scar tissue damage in my stomach but nothing that would be causing the spasms. One of the nurses said that she thought I had biliary diskinesia, which basically is a backflow of the bile that should be coming from your gallbladder but when it's taken out, it gets stuck in your liver. No cure except surgery, and Dr. P told me that surgery was invasive, and often caused even more problems. That it would be something I'd have to live with.
Dr. P. is also a D.O. so I could talk to him about natural health things. I told him about all of my symptoms, my back, interstitial cystitis, in addition to the stomach things. He said they were all symptoms of Central Nervous System issues. My central nervous system was freaking out. If I could figure out how to support my CNS then it might help my symptoms improve.
Back to the naturopath. I also have amazing chiropractors: Dr. B and Dr. L. They do muscle testing and know a lot about natural health. Dr. L. taught me about my ileo secal valve in my intestines. When I eat foods such as caffeine or chocolate, it opens when it's supposed to stay closed. When it opens, waste from the large intestines backs up into the small intestines, causing inflammation. Particularly to the back....in the exact spot where my back hurt. He showed me how to close it myself. I stayed away from chocolate (SO HARD!) and caffeine and began managing my back and stomach pain after 9 years.
I got pregnant again, but immediately lost it. My naturopath helped me figure out that my thyroid was shot. I began taking thyroid natural supplements and my other symptoms disappeared. I was finally managing my health and feeling pretty good, but still had brain fog and low energy.
It was around this time that Chloe got sick, and a friend brought over a can of zeal because she had been able to get off of her anti-depressants. Chloe couldn't handle the taste, so I decided to try it. I was intrigued by the 30 day challenge money-back guarantee, and also noticed that a lot of the ingredients were not only things I was trying to put into my diet every day, but also a lot of the supplements, and it was gluten free.
At first, I got a cold. My friend told me about detoxing and I knew it was true. In the past, anytime I have done a juice cleanse, gone off sugar, processed foods, or done a detox I always get a cold. It's my body's way of detoxing. That was actually a good sign to me. I kept drinking it every day but was busy with Chloe's treatment and didn't pay much attention to whether or not it was working. I didn't notice that I was gaining almost super-human strength in order to homeschool my kids, and also get Chloe through that difficult time, plus still teach piano, preschool and run a household.
We went out of town for the weekend and I was so tired! I felt horrible and couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. When I got home I thought, "I forgot to take my Zeal when I was out of town. Could it be that the zeal makes me feel better?" So I experimented and sure enough, when I took the zeal, I had a clear mind, energy, no pain, no digestive issues, my varicose veins don't hurt anymore, no aches and pains in joints, normal periods, no interstitial cystitis, no stomach spasms, no sinus headaches or migraines. I finally began to maintain a healthy weight. And I didn't get tired in the afternoon like I usually did.
When I didn't take the zeal, the symptoms came back. I looked at all of the supplements and medications I was taking that sporadically worked and added up the monthly costs, then compared it to the monthly cost of zeal. It was a no brainer! I can take all of that stuff and spend all of that money and have it work sometimes, or I can drink one zeal a day and that takes care of ALL of my symptoms. I feel good all the time.
Sometimes when I am hiking or swimming with my kids, or doing things I could not do over these past 10 years because of my health problems, I want to cry just thinking about how grateful I am that Heavenly Father kept his promise in the blessing and did guide me to the things that would help my body heal itself. I feel like I have a second chance at life.
I remember a bunch of ladies asking me to join their walking group and I had to turn them down because of my health problems. I felt so sorry for myself, like I was handicapped. I resigned that I should just be grateful to be alive but also mourned the loss of really LIVING life and the loss of a once very active lifestyle.
Now, I can do anything I want to do. I exercise every day. I walked 25+ miles on Pioneer trek and turned around to do Girls Camp for a week and I felt great, had lots of energy. I believe that I have been guided to Zeal, that the creators are inspired, and it has changed my life.
PLEASE try it. Give the 30 day challenge a try. If it doesn't work, you have nothing to lose but if it can help just one person like it helped me, then I have done my job.
I wish for everyone to feel as good as I do. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who has helped me, guided me, and loved me and I'm determined to pay it forward.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
I Must Remember This Forever and ever
I am copying this straight from Al Fox Carraway's blog:
I hope with all of my might that she doesn't mind
or that I'm not stealing any intellectual property by sharing.
This is a direct answer to what I am currently going through
and I NEED to remember it!
God Doesn’t Always Tell Us What Is Right
God doesn’t always tell us what is right.
Annoying, right?
How difficult it is sometimes to move forward with decision making because of this.
Especially when you want so badly just to follow His will for you, but you aren’t exactly sure what His will is. Although we can receive from God all the time very specific answers that are very clear, there are also times when we just can’t figure it out.
How can we discern between our thoughts from the spirit?
We are told that all good things come from God, and if it’s good then we are to go for it. But what if it just seems good to you but it’s not good in His eyes? But what if there’s more than 1 good option to choose from? What then?
How can we know what is best rather than what one is just good.
And I don’t about you, but knowing that there is sometimes more than 1 bestthing to choose from doesn’t always give me comfort, but more anxiety moving forward. (Is your head spinning yet just thinking about all this? Mine is).
I know I don’t want something if God doesn’t want it for me—yet, how many prayers I’ve spent asking Heavenly Father to just tell me what He wants me to do so I can do it and still feel like I’m going in circles. Do you know how much time I’ve spent wasting and waiting and worrying, feeling stuck because I felt like I couldn’t understand a clear answer with what to do? And the more time I spent thinking about one decision over the other— battling with thoughts and fears and blessings on each choice—the more confused I became and the harder it got.
God doesn’t always tell us what is right.
But it is a promise to us from Him that He will always tell us what is not right. (If we follow and listen is a different story)
This is my secret weapon to decision making:
Instead of going in circles of what to decide and causing stress and anxiety and passing time, I just pick. I just pick something and move forward with it. Then, pray and tell Him what you decided. Tell Him if it’s wrong to stop you. That’s it.
Too simple? Maybe. But it works.every.time.
D&C 9:8 is a legit promise that real life works. “You must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings.”
If we move forward with something that is not right, we are promised He will tell us. And How? Several ways— lack of comfort and peace. Negative feelings, (remember, everything good thing comes from God, even feelings). Opportunities will not appear. Doors close. Nothing seems to fall in to place.
(*Note: Opposition can come with things that are right, but to differentiate, peace & comfort can always be felt even during trials in those right times).
(*Note: Opposition can come with things that are right, but to differentiate, peace & comfort can always be felt even during trials in those right times).
Just recently while still living in Arizona I got offered a new job back in Utah. It was an incredible opportunity in too many ways where it would be incredibly silly to turn down. But I didn’t want it. I wanted to stay in Arizona. But I needed to decide and decide quickly to let them know. I didn’t have time to ask Heavenly Father what I should do and risk it being a situation where my thoughts are confusing and blurred with the spirit. So I just picked. I chose to decline the job. I told Heavenly Father that’s what I decided and if it’s wrong, please stop me. And stop me before 9 am tomorrow morning when I’d send my email declining the offer.
I woke up at 5 am and I couldn’t go back to sleep for the life of me. My mind was racing. I was completely overwhelmed knowing that I did need to take that job and that it was right. So here we are.
(Or that one time we decided to buy a house. We felt good enough about it to move forward with finding a realtor and seeing several houses, but then nothing felt right. We couldn’t find a house that we liked. Things slowed down. Doors started closing. No progress was made regardless of our good intentions and efforts. Only to find ourselves on our most exciting and favorite adventure in a completely different state a month and a half later that was right and guided in too many ways to count).
Regardless of the situation, prayer is crucial. That’s the most important step. It’s mandatory to following His will for you. Because it’s not just about picking what we want to do and asking for His help with it. It’s about doing what He asks of us and receiving those blessings and help and comfort to follow through. This is just a quicker way to pass the confusion and keep moving forward on the path that He has for us that leads to the greater things in life. Because we have to act and keep moving so there is something for God to help us with.
His promises are a reality, not just wishful thinking. To experiment with and act and do, not just think about to bring us comfort. Alma 56:46 says, “Behold, our God is with us, and He will not suffer that we should fall. Then let us go forth!” And I want to echo that. Go forth! Fear not. Embrace the unexpected knowing who is guiding you. You are in the best hands.
Forget not that YOU have a God. You have a God and He is yours! Yours to keep. Yours to turn to, always. A God whose sole purpose is to help you succeed. Forget not that you have a God, never does He leave you. But is always there to guide, direct, to warn, and to give you the best ever created. Not just in the eternities, but here—daily, in mortality.
This is real. Heavenly Father is real. He’s as real as your heart beating.right.now.
And this exact second, God is mindful of you.
And the second after that.
And all the seconds after that.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
More Thoughts about Trek: Miracles and Tender Mercies
We did a LOT of pre-trek training as we prepared for our roles as a Ma and Pa. Leaders tried their best to prepare us for what to expect. We learned things such as safety guidelines, how to make a shelter, and were given lots of tips for spiritual preparation.
I also received a lot of advice from friends whom had been Mas and Pas before. I tried to prepare in every way. I studied the entire trek manual from front to back. I sewed neck coolers filled with water beads so that my kids could have cool necks. I got a spray bottle because someone suggested spraying their faces with cool water. I was advised to get lip balm with spf so their lips won't get burned. I bought clippers for their toenails to prevent painful toes. Nylons to prevent blisters. Special fast acting allergy medication. Essential oils for all ailments. Extra tarps, bungees and tent stakes so that we could have a decent shelter. Glide to prevent chaffing.
We spent every weekend for a full two months shopping for trek supplies or tracking down things to borrow. I ended up sewing Clara's and my outfits rather than borrowing because I knew I would need them again for other kids down the road. Out of all the special equipment we needed, finding button up shirts for us ended up being the most challenging tasks...go figure.
Spiritually, I prepared by fasting for my family and the kids that would be in it. I went to the temple and asked for inspiration in what I should share with the kids at the devotionals for my portion. I took it really seriously because I understood that we only had three days to make an impact and I wanted it to be the Lord's message. I felt very strongly about the messages that were given to me. Here is what we shared:
Day 1 - Walking through the Wyoming prairie is HOT!!! It's uncomfortable. I was prompted to talk about the Refiner's fire. I love this Mormon message about the refiner's fire on Youtube:
Click Here
It shows a blacksmith carefully holding metal over the hottest part of the fire, molding it, pounding it and twisting it. It looks like it's being beat to death, but what is important to notice is that the blacksmith never leaves it, he carefully watches it and molds it as he holds it over the fire. At the end, he has created a metal rose...a masterpiece.
That relates to us and trials. To quote President Faust in his 1979 talk about the refiner's fire:
There is also a pioneer story behind the Prairie Diamond:
PRAIRIE DIAMOND STORY: While crossing the plains to SLC . . . there were very little luxuries along the way. There’s a story of a young couple who wanted to get married but her father hope to dissuade the young man by insisting he first provide her with a diamond ring. While thinking of ways to get the ring to marry the girl he stumbled upon a horseshoe nail with a head shaped like a diamond. He took it to the blacksmith and had him bend it into a ring. The father was very impressed with the young man’s resolve and they were soon married. He promised his bride that when he could he would replace the ring. But each time over the years when he offered to get her a better ring she refused and said she loved her “prairie diamond.”
Trek is also very dirty. During John's devotional, he talked about keeping ourselves clean so that the Holy Spirit can dwell within us. He used the object lesson of a dirty muddy sock and asked if anyone wanted to put it on. No one did because it was disgusting. Likewise, no unclean thing can enter into the kingdom of heaven, and the Holy Ghost does not want to dwell in a place that isn't clean.
I embroidered handkerchiefs for them to keep as momentos and hopefully use in the future as they participate in temple dedications or even use them on their missions.
On the third day, we scrapped what we had planned and just asked the kids to share their thoughts. They were so spiritually mature and taught us far more than we could have taught them, I really enjoyed hearing what they shared.
I am counting this experience as a miracle, or a tender mercy:
One of the girls in my company shared with me a little about some pretty heavy trials that she is going through. When she received a letter from her parents at trek, her dad also wrote about the refiner's fire. She said,
"Two times on trek I have been taught about the refiner's fire. I guess it's something I really needed to hear."
I know that wasn't a coincidence. Elder Bednar says that tender mercies from the Lord can be identified by the TIMING and the CIRCUMSTANCES surrounding the events. That just cannot be a coincidence that her trek Ma and her earthly father were both inspired to offer her the same form of encouragement from a loving Heavenly Father.
It was also a tender mercy to me, maybe even more than it was to my trek daughter because it confirmed that the effort I put into the spiritual preparation for trek was noticed, and used by a loving Heavenly Father to make a difference in someone's life. That's a great feeling!
Another miracle was the inspired process in which our trek family was created. Brother Fitzgerald, our trail boss told us that they prayed and fasted over every name placement with each family in their company. They would place the names of kids with Ma's and Pa's and it would either feel wrong, or really right.
I appreciated that they talked about that because during one of our devotionals one of my trek sons shared that he had really hoped he would have at least one friend in his trek family. And it wasn't a coincidence that he did! A loving Heavenly Father knew he needed that to feel comfortable and as a tender mercy gave that to him.
I think the biggest blessings that John and I received from Trek was just the love that we felt within our trek family. Before trek, I talked to a friend whose trek experience wasn't the greatest, because of a youth in her family that didn't want to be there, had a terrible attitude, and was a major disciplinary problem. I was so afraid that that would happen to John and me. What will we do if they don't listen to us? Or if they don't want to work? Or if they aren't kind?
It didn't take us long to realize that we had choice kids in our family. Each and every one of them was exceptional. We marveled at the love we could feel for strangers, but I suppose that after serving them for months prior to trek, then during the intense experiences of trek, it makes sense that we would feel Heavenly Father's love for them. We would walk behind the handcart and watch them pushing together as a team, caring for each other, laughing together and would marvel at how we were blessed to see them as Heavenly Father sees them. We could see their large spirits shining bright. We didn't see social status or their faults...we saw THEM. We marveled at the caliber of spirits that Heavenly Father has sent to earth in the form of our youth.
Prior to trek, as I mentioned in an earlier post, the adversary was working on me so hard. Everything felt like a huge burden, I was doubting my decision to go, everything was going wrong....I was packing and Carter was following me around the house crying "Don't leave us!" As a mother, Satan knows where to get me.
"How can I leave my kids? What if I am hurt or even die like that lady in Oklahoma?" Then the next thought came:
"Maybe I just shouldn't go."
As soon as that thought came, it was followed by an intense feeling,
"But I'm SUPPOSED to do this. My trek family needs me, and I need them. I love them." I was overcome with a feeling that I had experienced that moment before. An intense Deja vu like no other. Perhaps I had seen it in a dream, I don't know but it gave me the resolve to continue preparing with faith that everything would work out alright.
Here is the amazing part. While we were on trek, two of the girls in my family had similar experiences where they had an intense deja vu moment. We would be talking and then all of a sudden they would stop in their tracks and say,
"This is really weird but I feel like I've seen or experienced this moment before. Like I dreamed it or saw it."
Then during devotional on the second night, as the trek kids were sharing their thoughts, one of the boys said "I'm starting to recognize how the Spirit feels while I'm here. In fact, it's weird but I've had a sensation like I've seen this before." We all freaked out, but in a good way.
"Us too! What does it mean?"
I have thought about this a lot. At trek, I told them that whenever I have one of those experiences, they seem to be at points in my life I like to call a "checkpoint". I believe when those kinds of things happen, it's Heavenly Father's way of letting me know that I am on the right path and have made a good choice. That I am exactly where He wants me to be. Perhaps it has affected the course my life will take.
Since trek, I have spoken with other youth about their experiences and one of my piano students asked me,
"Did you feel like you knew your family before? Like, before you came to earth? Because everyone in my family felt that, and I felt it too." Mind you, this is coming from a very intellectual kid who isn't really inclined towards spiritual things. I was flabbergasted to hear this coming out of his mouth, but then I thought,
"Yeah, I think that did happen to us."
I was unprepared for the motherly love I would feel for my trek kids. I believe this is one of the biggest blessings I have gleaned from the experience.
On the first day of trek, we met the kids in our family and then immediately loaded busses and drove for an hour to the ranch just outside of Evanston Wyoming. I took the opportunity to get to know the kids in my company, and asked them tons of questions about their lives, where they live, etc. I ended up spending most of the time talking to one of my trek sons who came across as not extremely shy, but just one of those people that doesn't let just anyone know their thoughts or feelings. I recognized that I had to earn his trust and friendship and I set out to do just that.
Once we arrived at the ranch, we loaded up our handcarts then gathered together for some safety instructions. As we were receiving instructions, this particular son was standing in front of me. Suddenly he turned and looked right at me. I thought it was really weird.
Then his eyes rolled back in his head and I realized that he had probably been locking his knees. He was going down! Mama instincts kicked in and I pulled him towards me to catch his fall. Even though he was VERY heavy and I in all likelihood was NOT strong enough to catch him, I still felt inspired to tell him,
"I've got you."
And then I yelled for John.....HELP! Luckily with John's combined strength we could safely get him down and he recovered very quickly.
At the end of trek, I felt like I had formed a motherly bond with this kid. I was and would always be his trek ma. As we were loading up on the busses to go home, I felt prompted to call him aside and ask him,
"Do you remember on the first day when you passed out, what I said to you when I caught you?"
"No, I don't," he said.
"I said, I've got you. I want you to know that I've still got you. Even after trek is over."
This kid who was at the beginning of trek very closed off and private, actually came up to me and hugged me! He even gave me the satisfaction of telling me, "Trek didn't suck as much as I thought it would." I knew that I had earned his trust and maybe even made a difference in his life. It was a great feeling.
I've thought about this a lot since then. I thought that experience was for my trek son, but I can see now that it was actually a teaching moment for me. The Spirit reminded me that before trek I fretted and worried and doubted and stewed, but exercised faith that Heavenly Father would help me, and not only did He help me but gave me a life changing and character building experience.
How many other things does Heavenly Father call me to do, that I fret and stress and stew and doubt about?
Just as I sought to earn the trust of my son on trek, my Heavenly Father has been seeking to earn my trust as well. It's as if He was saying to me,
"See, I've got you."
Just as I loved and felt invested in this trek son and all of my trek children after just four days, Heavenly Father is invested in me a million times more.
"For this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."
I can no longer doubt that. I have a renewed trust and faith in my Heavenly Father like I've never had before, and it was worth every penny spent, minute of time spent preparing, every blister, every sacrifice, every moment away from my beloved children in order to gain that.
A person cannot deny that this is HIS work when they see as many miracles and experience the things that I have since being baptized into this church 20 years ago. Although His work may be facilitated by imperfect people, it is real, and true, and wonderful. I love it!
I also received a lot of advice from friends whom had been Mas and Pas before. I tried to prepare in every way. I studied the entire trek manual from front to back. I sewed neck coolers filled with water beads so that my kids could have cool necks. I got a spray bottle because someone suggested spraying their faces with cool water. I was advised to get lip balm with spf so their lips won't get burned. I bought clippers for their toenails to prevent painful toes. Nylons to prevent blisters. Special fast acting allergy medication. Essential oils for all ailments. Extra tarps, bungees and tent stakes so that we could have a decent shelter. Glide to prevent chaffing.
We spent every weekend for a full two months shopping for trek supplies or tracking down things to borrow. I ended up sewing Clara's and my outfits rather than borrowing because I knew I would need them again for other kids down the road. Out of all the special equipment we needed, finding button up shirts for us ended up being the most challenging tasks...go figure.
Spiritually, I prepared by fasting for my family and the kids that would be in it. I went to the temple and asked for inspiration in what I should share with the kids at the devotionals for my portion. I took it really seriously because I understood that we only had three days to make an impact and I wanted it to be the Lord's message. I felt very strongly about the messages that were given to me. Here is what we shared:
Day 1 - Walking through the Wyoming prairie is HOT!!! It's uncomfortable. I was prompted to talk about the Refiner's fire. I love this Mormon message about the refiner's fire on Youtube:
Click Here
It shows a blacksmith carefully holding metal over the hottest part of the fire, molding it, pounding it and twisting it. It looks like it's being beat to death, but what is important to notice is that the blacksmith never leaves it, he carefully watches it and molds it as he holds it over the fire. At the end, he has created a metal rose...a masterpiece.
That relates to us and trials. To quote President Faust in his 1979 talk about the refiner's fire:
"The Divine Shepherd has a message of hope, strength, and deliverance for all. If there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and the vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet. There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless.
When we pluck the roses, we find we often cannot avoid the thorns which spring from the same stem.
Out of the refiner’s fire can come a glorious deliverance. It can be a noble and lasting rebirth. The price to become acquainted with God will have been paid. There can come a sacred peace. There will be a reawakening of dormant, inner resources. A comfortable cloak of righteousness will be drawn around us to protect us and to keep us warm spiritually. Self-pity will vanish as our blessings are counted."
We gave our kids a Prairie Diamond Ring to remember that when they are going through trials, Heavenly Father has not left them. There is also a pioneer story behind the Prairie Diamond:
PRAIRIE DIAMOND STORY: While crossing the plains to SLC . . . there were very little luxuries along the way. There’s a story of a young couple who wanted to get married but her father hope to dissuade the young man by insisting he first provide her with a diamond ring. While thinking of ways to get the ring to marry the girl he stumbled upon a horseshoe nail with a head shaped like a diamond. He took it to the blacksmith and had him bend it into a ring. The father was very impressed with the young man’s resolve and they were soon married. He promised his bride that when he could he would replace the ring. But each time over the years when he offered to get her a better ring she refused and said she loved her “prairie diamond.”
Trek is also very dirty. During John's devotional, he talked about keeping ourselves clean so that the Holy Spirit can dwell within us. He used the object lesson of a dirty muddy sock and asked if anyone wanted to put it on. No one did because it was disgusting. Likewise, no unclean thing can enter into the kingdom of heaven, and the Holy Ghost does not want to dwell in a place that isn't clean.
I embroidered handkerchiefs for them to keep as momentos and hopefully use in the future as they participate in temple dedications or even use them on their missions.
On the third day, we scrapped what we had planned and just asked the kids to share their thoughts. They were so spiritually mature and taught us far more than we could have taught them, I really enjoyed hearing what they shared.
I am counting this experience as a miracle, or a tender mercy:
One of the girls in my company shared with me a little about some pretty heavy trials that she is going through. When she received a letter from her parents at trek, her dad also wrote about the refiner's fire. She said,
"Two times on trek I have been taught about the refiner's fire. I guess it's something I really needed to hear."
I know that wasn't a coincidence. Elder Bednar says that tender mercies from the Lord can be identified by the TIMING and the CIRCUMSTANCES surrounding the events. That just cannot be a coincidence that her trek Ma and her earthly father were both inspired to offer her the same form of encouragement from a loving Heavenly Father.
It was also a tender mercy to me, maybe even more than it was to my trek daughter because it confirmed that the effort I put into the spiritual preparation for trek was noticed, and used by a loving Heavenly Father to make a difference in someone's life. That's a great feeling!
Another miracle was the inspired process in which our trek family was created. Brother Fitzgerald, our trail boss told us that they prayed and fasted over every name placement with each family in their company. They would place the names of kids with Ma's and Pa's and it would either feel wrong, or really right.
I appreciated that they talked about that because during one of our devotionals one of my trek sons shared that he had really hoped he would have at least one friend in his trek family. And it wasn't a coincidence that he did! A loving Heavenly Father knew he needed that to feel comfortable and as a tender mercy gave that to him.
I think the biggest blessings that John and I received from Trek was just the love that we felt within our trek family. Before trek, I talked to a friend whose trek experience wasn't the greatest, because of a youth in her family that didn't want to be there, had a terrible attitude, and was a major disciplinary problem. I was so afraid that that would happen to John and me. What will we do if they don't listen to us? Or if they don't want to work? Or if they aren't kind?
It didn't take us long to realize that we had choice kids in our family. Each and every one of them was exceptional. We marveled at the love we could feel for strangers, but I suppose that after serving them for months prior to trek, then during the intense experiences of trek, it makes sense that we would feel Heavenly Father's love for them. We would walk behind the handcart and watch them pushing together as a team, caring for each other, laughing together and would marvel at how we were blessed to see them as Heavenly Father sees them. We could see their large spirits shining bright. We didn't see social status or their faults...we saw THEM. We marveled at the caliber of spirits that Heavenly Father has sent to earth in the form of our youth.
Prior to trek, as I mentioned in an earlier post, the adversary was working on me so hard. Everything felt like a huge burden, I was doubting my decision to go, everything was going wrong....I was packing and Carter was following me around the house crying "Don't leave us!" As a mother, Satan knows where to get me.
"How can I leave my kids? What if I am hurt or even die like that lady in Oklahoma?" Then the next thought came:
"Maybe I just shouldn't go."
As soon as that thought came, it was followed by an intense feeling,
"But I'm SUPPOSED to do this. My trek family needs me, and I need them. I love them." I was overcome with a feeling that I had experienced that moment before. An intense Deja vu like no other. Perhaps I had seen it in a dream, I don't know but it gave me the resolve to continue preparing with faith that everything would work out alright.
Here is the amazing part. While we were on trek, two of the girls in my family had similar experiences where they had an intense deja vu moment. We would be talking and then all of a sudden they would stop in their tracks and say,
"This is really weird but I feel like I've seen or experienced this moment before. Like I dreamed it or saw it."
Then during devotional on the second night, as the trek kids were sharing their thoughts, one of the boys said "I'm starting to recognize how the Spirit feels while I'm here. In fact, it's weird but I've had a sensation like I've seen this before." We all freaked out, but in a good way.
"Us too! What does it mean?"
I have thought about this a lot. At trek, I told them that whenever I have one of those experiences, they seem to be at points in my life I like to call a "checkpoint". I believe when those kinds of things happen, it's Heavenly Father's way of letting me know that I am on the right path and have made a good choice. That I am exactly where He wants me to be. Perhaps it has affected the course my life will take.
Since trek, I have spoken with other youth about their experiences and one of my piano students asked me,
"Did you feel like you knew your family before? Like, before you came to earth? Because everyone in my family felt that, and I felt it too." Mind you, this is coming from a very intellectual kid who isn't really inclined towards spiritual things. I was flabbergasted to hear this coming out of his mouth, but then I thought,
"Yeah, I think that did happen to us."
I was unprepared for the motherly love I would feel for my trek kids. I believe this is one of the biggest blessings I have gleaned from the experience.
On the first day of trek, we met the kids in our family and then immediately loaded busses and drove for an hour to the ranch just outside of Evanston Wyoming. I took the opportunity to get to know the kids in my company, and asked them tons of questions about their lives, where they live, etc. I ended up spending most of the time talking to one of my trek sons who came across as not extremely shy, but just one of those people that doesn't let just anyone know their thoughts or feelings. I recognized that I had to earn his trust and friendship and I set out to do just that.
Once we arrived at the ranch, we loaded up our handcarts then gathered together for some safety instructions. As we were receiving instructions, this particular son was standing in front of me. Suddenly he turned and looked right at me. I thought it was really weird.
Then his eyes rolled back in his head and I realized that he had probably been locking his knees. He was going down! Mama instincts kicked in and I pulled him towards me to catch his fall. Even though he was VERY heavy and I in all likelihood was NOT strong enough to catch him, I still felt inspired to tell him,
"I've got you."
And then I yelled for John.....HELP! Luckily with John's combined strength we could safely get him down and he recovered very quickly.
At the end of trek, I felt like I had formed a motherly bond with this kid. I was and would always be his trek ma. As we were loading up on the busses to go home, I felt prompted to call him aside and ask him,
"Do you remember on the first day when you passed out, what I said to you when I caught you?"
"No, I don't," he said.
"I said, I've got you. I want you to know that I've still got you. Even after trek is over."
This kid who was at the beginning of trek very closed off and private, actually came up to me and hugged me! He even gave me the satisfaction of telling me, "Trek didn't suck as much as I thought it would." I knew that I had earned his trust and maybe even made a difference in his life. It was a great feeling.
I've thought about this a lot since then. I thought that experience was for my trek son, but I can see now that it was actually a teaching moment for me. The Spirit reminded me that before trek I fretted and worried and doubted and stewed, but exercised faith that Heavenly Father would help me, and not only did He help me but gave me a life changing and character building experience.
How many other things does Heavenly Father call me to do, that I fret and stress and stew and doubt about?
Just as I sought to earn the trust of my son on trek, my Heavenly Father has been seeking to earn my trust as well. It's as if He was saying to me,
"See, I've got you."
Just as I loved and felt invested in this trek son and all of my trek children after just four days, Heavenly Father is invested in me a million times more.
"For this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."
I can no longer doubt that. I have a renewed trust and faith in my Heavenly Father like I've never had before, and it was worth every penny spent, minute of time spent preparing, every blister, every sacrifice, every moment away from my beloved children in order to gain that.
A person cannot deny that this is HIS work when they see as many miracles and experience the things that I have since being baptized into this church 20 years ago. Although His work may be facilitated by imperfect people, it is real, and true, and wonderful. I love it!
Thursday, July 28, 2016
My Pioneer Trek Experience
Since I've returned from Pioneer trek I just can't stop myself from talking about it, posting pictures about it, raving and reminiscing about my trek experience. If there was any experience I needed to record most, it would be this one.
For those of you that don't know, Pioneer Trek is an LDS Church activity held once every four years with the purpose of helping youth experience firsthand the faith and determination of the pioneers. They reenact some of the faith building experiences of the pioneers and ancestors who journeyed to the Salt Lake Valley in the mid 1800s. They are organized into "families" with a Ma and Pa at the head, wear pioneer-era clothing, pull handcarts, and discuss the faith of those who made courageous sacrifices to gather to Zion. The church owns a ranch called Deseret Livestock just past Evanston Wyoming that is also used for Pioneer Treks.
If you're thinking that this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, then you and I would have been on the exact same page before I actually experienced it for myself.
The last time our stake had a trek, I had many friends who returned with many stories and bolstered spirits and I looked at them from a distance and thought to myself, "You couldn't pay me a million dollars to do that."
Mostly because of my fear of physical discomfort, and also the state of my health at that time was so bad that I didn't even think for a second it would be physically possible for me to walk that many miles in the heat while pushing a handcart, then sleeping on the ground in a shelter of my own making. At that time I had a mystery illness, that mimicked MS so closely that I actually had a neurologist tell me he was 100% positive I had MS before doing the actual brain scan. (Don't ever go to Dr. Sadiq). He was flabbergasted that he was wrong. I had spent years in pain, weak and frail, endured many painful tests, unable to do many things I used to enjoy and going through the repetitive cycles of trying another new type of doctor hoping for results, then giving up and accepting my fate. I can't even recall how many years I spent doing this.
Just after we sold our house and moved, the girls and I were hit by a teen driver and we all got whiplash. During treatments, I was in pretty bad shape. I can remember not even being able to walk without assistance during the bad times. I would have to crawl to get around. I had severe stomach spasms, had several miscarriages and Chloe was going through her anxiety issues and treatment. I can't think of a worse possible time to receive a calling and have the faith to accept it.
Luckily, the Lord knew what he was doing. First, he put Chad and Cheri Burchell in charge of the Trek Activities. Then he helped them assemble a committee of the most fun people on the planet. And then he inspired them to call us to that committee. It was pitched to me like this by the high councilman who extended the calling:
"You may attend trek but you don't have to, and if you do, you won't have to walk. You can sleep in a tent with an air mattress. And you get to spend all of this time with these amazing fun people planning fun activities for the kids at trek."
DONE.
Nevermind that I was already the Primary music director and had just been called to be the Young Women's Girls' Camp Director, and I was just beginning to homeschool my family because my daughter was in the middle of treatment for a major health crisis while we were simultaneously seeking treatment from the effects of the car accident. AND trek was to be held the week before girls' camp. It was craziness to accept, yet I felt the Spirit so strongly that I could not deny it. I had to trust that the Lord would help me, and help everything to work out.
So I began my work with the activities committee and enjoyed every minute of it. All three of my callings were bright spots during a very difficult time, and I found joy as I lost myself in service. Slowly but surely, things began to get better. The 2-3x a week visits to our awesome chiropractor Ryan Bosley were beginning to pay off. Chloe began to improve with her treatments and eventually progressed out of intensive therapy at the Anxiety and OCD clinic. We were finding our homeschooling groove and I had been guided down the road of natural health, and also uncovered that an unknown allergy to wheat had been a major cause of my health problems. Slowly but surely I began to feel better and stronger.
John and I were prompted to begin a workout regimen that in order to fit into our schedules required us to get up at 4:30 AM to work out together. As I exercised, I would think to myself,
"Why are you doing this? You don't have anything to prove, you're pretty in shape and you already walk with Emily for exercise." Even though it didn't make any sense because we weren't supposed to be walking for our Trek calling, the Spirit would whisper,
"You are doing this so you can be strong for trek."
A few months later we got a call from the high councilman again. I legitimately thought John was going to be asked to become a stake financial auditor again, so I was completely blindsided when we were extended the assignment to become a "Ma and Pa" for Trek. I was immediately paralyzed with fear.
"No! There is NO WAY! Girls Camp is right around the corner, not to mention that I could literally die! I have never done anything so physically demanding in all my life and I might end up in a body cast somewhere in Wyoming!"
I willed John to say no. I just knew he would say no because he was also serving in the Elder's Quorum presidency and dealing with just as much stress as I was. Just doing the activities committee was a stretch for us so I waited for the no...
"Well," he said, "We've already got the time off."
I piped in, fully prepared to shut him down,
"Girls Camp begins only one day after we would return from Trek...." and then I felt it again. My dear friend the Holy Spirit. I know His voice. I know what He feels like and I've made it a life practice to always try to listen and obey. He was telling me that I needed to do this. With a lump in my throat, I said yes with as much faith as I could muster but all I could feel was fear, fear, fear.
Brother Jeffrey then set us apart and gave us priesthood blessings. During the blessing I was blown away by the promises and the blessings that awaited us by accepting this calling. I thought,
"These are the blessings of eternity, the most important things in life, and all things that I want. These are all things that are totally worth a little bit of physical discomfort." During the blessing I felt peace, but then as soon as I left the office I fretted all the way home and cried myself to sleep.
"How would my kids ever live without me if I died on Trek?" I cried and fretted a lot.
Family, friends, and even my bishop were worried about me. My doctor told me
"Why did you accept this assignment? How are you ever going to do this? You should've said NO." All I could say was,
"I felt the Spirit so strongly."
Now that I have returned from the experience, it seems silly to me that I worried so much. But as I have pondered this I am reminded of the law of opposition: and have noticed that the more things that were stacked against me and the harder the adversary worked on me, the greater I have been able to see Heavenly Father's hand in the process, and the greater the blessings I received from trek. I now have a very firm testimony that with the Lord, all things are possible. NOTHING is impossible if it is His will, I know this is true and I hoped it would be true as I struggled against the adversary during the preparatory months.
To say that I struggled was an understatement. As a convert to the LDS faith without much prior leadership experience, Girls camp experience and with or ZERO previous Trek experience to fall back on, the burden of Camp and Trek felt huge. I prayed so hard, every day. I prayed for the kids that would be in my family, and that the right kids would be put in my care, I prayed that my family would be okay at home, I prayed that the Lord would qualify me. I mostly prayed for time in the midst of homeschooling, teaching preschool and piano that I would have the needed time to prepare. I fasted a lot. I took it to the temple a lot. I asked for priesthood blessings.
Now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the manner in which I was called was a miracle. If I had been asked to be a "Ma" when all of the other Ma's and Pa's were called, I would have had to say no. I could barely walk at that time. I couldn't have physically done it. But the Lord in his mercy and perfect timing blessed me that I was able to get well just in time for the later calling extension. Its not a coincidence that I had been working out religiously with John so that I was stronger.
My health on trek was miraculous. Aside from annoying blisters, I never got sore, was hardly tired or hungry and was able to function on little or no sleep for days. No back pain, no pain at all. Lots of energy and stamina. I would wake up each morning in wonder at how great I felt.
We were told not to push the handcart unless needed, but I felt prompted that my family needed to see me working just as hard as them, with them and alongside them. So I pushed a lot. I would push and walk and then when it was time to stop and rest, I would still have the energy to make everyone lunch or help set up camp, or wash feet and tend to blisters... even dance at the hoedown! I had the energy to keep going and going. It truly was a miracle for me.
I haven't felt this good in so long, it feels like a new start. During Trek, and even now I am finally able to attack life physically again in the way that I used to in my youth, and had longed to do as an adult with major health problems.
I look back at my old self, the one who cried and fretted and thought she was going to die and think,
"Oh ye of little faith! Don't you trust what the Almighty can do?" It pains me to think that in my limited foresight and knowledge I could have turned down one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I hoped that I would be blessed, I prayed for increased faith that it would work out, and now that I have returned with more blessings than I can even comprehend, I marvel at how even my flawed faith could still be the faith that preceded the miracle.
I can't wait to write more about the miracles I witnessed, the things I learned, and the blessings I have received.
My Heavenly Father has been SO GOOD to me.
For those of you that don't know, Pioneer Trek is an LDS Church activity held once every four years with the purpose of helping youth experience firsthand the faith and determination of the pioneers. They reenact some of the faith building experiences of the pioneers and ancestors who journeyed to the Salt Lake Valley in the mid 1800s. They are organized into "families" with a Ma and Pa at the head, wear pioneer-era clothing, pull handcarts, and discuss the faith of those who made courageous sacrifices to gather to Zion. The church owns a ranch called Deseret Livestock just past Evanston Wyoming that is also used for Pioneer Treks.
If you're thinking that this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, then you and I would have been on the exact same page before I actually experienced it for myself.
Pre-trek Miracle #1
The last time our stake had a trek, I had many friends who returned with many stories and bolstered spirits and I looked at them from a distance and thought to myself, "You couldn't pay me a million dollars to do that."
Mostly because of my fear of physical discomfort, and also the state of my health at that time was so bad that I didn't even think for a second it would be physically possible for me to walk that many miles in the heat while pushing a handcart, then sleeping on the ground in a shelter of my own making. At that time I had a mystery illness, that mimicked MS so closely that I actually had a neurologist tell me he was 100% positive I had MS before doing the actual brain scan. (Don't ever go to Dr. Sadiq). He was flabbergasted that he was wrong. I had spent years in pain, weak and frail, endured many painful tests, unable to do many things I used to enjoy and going through the repetitive cycles of trying another new type of doctor hoping for results, then giving up and accepting my fate. I can't even recall how many years I spent doing this.
Just after we sold our house and moved, the girls and I were hit by a teen driver and we all got whiplash. During treatments, I was in pretty bad shape. I can remember not even being able to walk without assistance during the bad times. I would have to crawl to get around. I had severe stomach spasms, had several miscarriages and Chloe was going through her anxiety issues and treatment. I can't think of a worse possible time to receive a calling and have the faith to accept it.
Luckily, the Lord knew what he was doing. First, he put Chad and Cheri Burchell in charge of the Trek Activities. Then he helped them assemble a committee of the most fun people on the planet. And then he inspired them to call us to that committee. It was pitched to me like this by the high councilman who extended the calling:
"You may attend trek but you don't have to, and if you do, you won't have to walk. You can sleep in a tent with an air mattress. And you get to spend all of this time with these amazing fun people planning fun activities for the kids at trek."
DONE.
Nevermind that I was already the Primary music director and had just been called to be the Young Women's Girls' Camp Director, and I was just beginning to homeschool my family because my daughter was in the middle of treatment for a major health crisis while we were simultaneously seeking treatment from the effects of the car accident. AND trek was to be held the week before girls' camp. It was craziness to accept, yet I felt the Spirit so strongly that I could not deny it. I had to trust that the Lord would help me, and help everything to work out.
So I began my work with the activities committee and enjoyed every minute of it. All three of my callings were bright spots during a very difficult time, and I found joy as I lost myself in service. Slowly but surely, things began to get better. The 2-3x a week visits to our awesome chiropractor Ryan Bosley were beginning to pay off. Chloe began to improve with her treatments and eventually progressed out of intensive therapy at the Anxiety and OCD clinic. We were finding our homeschooling groove and I had been guided down the road of natural health, and also uncovered that an unknown allergy to wheat had been a major cause of my health problems. Slowly but surely I began to feel better and stronger.
John and I were prompted to begin a workout regimen that in order to fit into our schedules required us to get up at 4:30 AM to work out together. As I exercised, I would think to myself,
"Why are you doing this? You don't have anything to prove, you're pretty in shape and you already walk with Emily for exercise." Even though it didn't make any sense because we weren't supposed to be walking for our Trek calling, the Spirit would whisper,
"You are doing this so you can be strong for trek."
A few months later we got a call from the high councilman again. I legitimately thought John was going to be asked to become a stake financial auditor again, so I was completely blindsided when we were extended the assignment to become a "Ma and Pa" for Trek. I was immediately paralyzed with fear.
"No! There is NO WAY! Girls Camp is right around the corner, not to mention that I could literally die! I have never done anything so physically demanding in all my life and I might end up in a body cast somewhere in Wyoming!"
I willed John to say no. I just knew he would say no because he was also serving in the Elder's Quorum presidency and dealing with just as much stress as I was. Just doing the activities committee was a stretch for us so I waited for the no...
"Well," he said, "We've already got the time off."
I piped in, fully prepared to shut him down,
"Girls Camp begins only one day after we would return from Trek...." and then I felt it again. My dear friend the Holy Spirit. I know His voice. I know what He feels like and I've made it a life practice to always try to listen and obey. He was telling me that I needed to do this. With a lump in my throat, I said yes with as much faith as I could muster but all I could feel was fear, fear, fear.
Brother Jeffrey then set us apart and gave us priesthood blessings. During the blessing I was blown away by the promises and the blessings that awaited us by accepting this calling. I thought,
"These are the blessings of eternity, the most important things in life, and all things that I want. These are all things that are totally worth a little bit of physical discomfort." During the blessing I felt peace, but then as soon as I left the office I fretted all the way home and cried myself to sleep.
"How would my kids ever live without me if I died on Trek?" I cried and fretted a lot.
Family, friends, and even my bishop were worried about me. My doctor told me
"Why did you accept this assignment? How are you ever going to do this? You should've said NO." All I could say was,
"I felt the Spirit so strongly."
Now that I have returned from the experience, it seems silly to me that I worried so much. But as I have pondered this I am reminded of the law of opposition: and have noticed that the more things that were stacked against me and the harder the adversary worked on me, the greater I have been able to see Heavenly Father's hand in the process, and the greater the blessings I received from trek. I now have a very firm testimony that with the Lord, all things are possible. NOTHING is impossible if it is His will, I know this is true and I hoped it would be true as I struggled against the adversary during the preparatory months.
To say that I struggled was an understatement. As a convert to the LDS faith without much prior leadership experience, Girls camp experience and with or ZERO previous Trek experience to fall back on, the burden of Camp and Trek felt huge. I prayed so hard, every day. I prayed for the kids that would be in my family, and that the right kids would be put in my care, I prayed that my family would be okay at home, I prayed that the Lord would qualify me. I mostly prayed for time in the midst of homeschooling, teaching preschool and piano that I would have the needed time to prepare. I fasted a lot. I took it to the temple a lot. I asked for priesthood blessings.
Now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the manner in which I was called was a miracle. If I had been asked to be a "Ma" when all of the other Ma's and Pa's were called, I would have had to say no. I could barely walk at that time. I couldn't have physically done it. But the Lord in his mercy and perfect timing blessed me that I was able to get well just in time for the later calling extension. Its not a coincidence that I had been working out religiously with John so that I was stronger.
My health on trek was miraculous. Aside from annoying blisters, I never got sore, was hardly tired or hungry and was able to function on little or no sleep for days. No back pain, no pain at all. Lots of energy and stamina. I would wake up each morning in wonder at how great I felt.
We were told not to push the handcart unless needed, but I felt prompted that my family needed to see me working just as hard as them, with them and alongside them. So I pushed a lot. I would push and walk and then when it was time to stop and rest, I would still have the energy to make everyone lunch or help set up camp, or wash feet and tend to blisters... even dance at the hoedown! I had the energy to keep going and going. It truly was a miracle for me.
I haven't felt this good in so long, it feels like a new start. During Trek, and even now I am finally able to attack life physically again in the way that I used to in my youth, and had longed to do as an adult with major health problems.
I look back at my old self, the one who cried and fretted and thought she was going to die and think,
"Oh ye of little faith! Don't you trust what the Almighty can do?" It pains me to think that in my limited foresight and knowledge I could have turned down one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I hoped that I would be blessed, I prayed for increased faith that it would work out, and now that I have returned with more blessings than I can even comprehend, I marvel at how even my flawed faith could still be the faith that preceded the miracle.
I can't wait to write more about the miracles I witnessed, the things I learned, and the blessings I have received.
My Heavenly Father has been SO GOOD to me.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Class #4 - The Five Teaching Styles
This is just skimming the surface of Nicholeen's book: Parenting a House United: Teaching Self-Government.
She also has a program available for purchase if you're interested: click here.
Tutorials:
She also has a program available for purchase if you're interested: click here.
The Five Teaching Styles:
A.
Effective
Praise
(See Class #3 Notes)
B.
Pre-teaching
C.
Corrective
Teaching
D.
Intensive
teaching
E.
Counseling
A.
Effective Praise -This teaching style gets the best results. It is important that it be used 6-10 times
for every 1 corrective teaching interaction.
Steps:
1.
Initial
praise. (I like the way you handled that
situation. )
2.
Specific
description of appropriate skill. ( What
you just did was you looked at your sister, you kept a calm face and a calm
voice. You said OK and then dropped the
subject.)
3.
Rationales. ( Because you problem solved so well, you and
your sister will be able to have a longer play time because no one got angry.)
4.
Acknowledgment. ( Does this make sense?)
5.
Positive
consequence. (You’ve earned 15 minutes
extra of play time with your sister before bed, because you knew how to get
along.)
6.
General
Praise. ( You really did fantastic!)
7.
Quality components B Remember to use good eye contact, good voice tone,
and possibly use some touch.
B. Pre-teaching - Pre-teaching is the second most effective style of teaching. If you can pre-teach the situation before you
have a problem, then you will significantly decrease your chances of having a
problem behavior!
Steps:
1.
Initial
praise/empathy. (I know that you are
excited to go to the party...)
2.
Positive
motivation statement. (So that we will
be able to stay the whole time, we should discuss what our behavior should be
like.)
3.
Specific
description of appropriate skill. (When
you are playing with your friends outside, you usually do a lot of running and
jumping. At the party you need to walk
carefully and only sit on the furniture.
No jumping.)
4.
Rationales. ( If you start jumping on furniture and
running around we will probably not get invited to a party at Aunt Janelle’s
again, because she will be afraid that something will get broken. We will also need to leave early if you run
and jump in her house, because mom will not be able to have a good time at the
party, because she will be worried about what you are doing.)
5.
Demonstration. ( This is the best way to play with friends
at the party. Show now.)
6.
Youth practice
(3 times). ( Let’s practice. First I will be you and you get to be Aunt
Janelle. You invite me in and I will behave appropriately. Practice. Now you be you and I will be Aunt
Janelle. I will invite you in and you
behave appropriately. Practice. Now let’s practice sitting calmly on the
couch. You be you and I will be your
cousin Parker. )
7.
Practice
feedback. (You did great at practicing
your polite behavior! You Walked calmly
and sat on the couch like a lady and you even knew to talk in a quieter voice
and I didn’t even have to remind you.)
8.
Positive
consequence. (Because you did such a
great job practicing, I know that you will not need to stay right by me at the
party. I can trust you to walk around
with your cousins, because I know you know how to behave.)
9.
Cued
practice. (At the party I will come up
to you and ask you what the appropriate behavior is and I need you to be able
to tell me, OK?)
10.
General
Praise. (This was so easy for you! I
knew you were old enough to behave yourself at an adult party. Good Job!)
11. Quality
Components. Eye contact, voice tone,
touch etc.
C.
Corrective teaching: Remember that for every corrective you need
to be doing at least 6-10 effective praise interactions. If you only concentrate on corrective
teaching the youth will become discouraged and stop trying. Focusing on the successes when ever possible
increases the level of motivation. That
in mind also remember to keep your tolerances low. This means that with some children you will
need to look for anything and everything to give them praise about. ( Great job
on remembering to buckle your seat belt!
Etc.)
Steps:
1.
Initial
praise/empathy. ( You did a wonderful
job remembering to make your bed as soon as you got up.)
2.
Specific
description of inappropriate behavior.
(However, just now when I asked you to do your morning chore, you didn’t
look at me and you didn’t say OK, and you didn’t do the task immediately, and
you didn’t check back.)
3.
Consequence. (You have earned 10 minutes in time out for
not following instructions.)
4.
Positive
motivation statement. ( We are going to
talk about following instructions so that you can earn half of those minutes
back. Then you will only have to do 5
minutes instead of 10.)
5.
Specific
description of appropriate skill. ( What
you should have done was looked at the person, had a calm voice and a calm
face, said OK, done the task immediately, and checked back after you were
finished.)
6. Rationales. (If you do this you will get your chore done
much faster, because we will not need to take all of this time to talk about
it.)
7. Acknowledgment.
(Tell me why following instructions is important.)
8. Demonstration. (Let’s practice. You give me an instruction and I will show
you the correct behavior.
9. You
Practice ( 2-3 times). ( Now I am going
to give you some instructions to follow so that you can practice. For your first practice, I need you to tell
me the steps to following instructions. Practice. For your second practice, I need you to try
to rub your tummy and pat your head. Practice. Now can you please straighten the pillows on
the couch. Practice.)
10. Practice
Feedback talk during practices. ( You didn’t forget one step! You looked at the person, kept a calm voice
and a calm face, said OK, did the tasks immediately, and checked back every
time. WOW!)
11. Positive
consequence. (Because you were so
terrific, you have earned 5 minutes back.
You will only need to sit on time out for 5 minutes now instead of 10. )
12. Cued
Practice. (Some time today I will ask
you to follow another instruction that you are not planning on, so that you
will never forget how to follow instructions.)
13. General
Praise. (You really knew those steps,
Great job.)
14. Quality components. (Eye contact, calm voice, touch, etc.)
D. Intensive
teaching: This style is used when the youth is “Out of
Instructional Control.” This means that
no instructions are being followed.
(Depressed and won’t talk, yells and throws things, bad language, scowls
or cries etc.) The goal is to get the
youth calm and in control of her behaviors.
If even a small instruction will be followed, try to build on that by
praise to increase motivation. A
family economy must be set up prior to these interactions. The parents set them up and then present them
to the family in family meeting. A
separate teaching time is recommended also to help the youth understand exactly
how it works.
Steps :
1.
Quality
components. Use good eye contact, calm
pleasant voice (not happy), Use logic. It is the Adults responsibility to be
logical not the youths.
2.
Empathy/
praise. ( I can see that you are upset
and want to talk to me.)
3.
Specific
description of the youths current behavior. ( You are clenching your teeth, and
your fists, you aren’t keeping eye contact with me and you aren’t following
instructions.)
4.
Consequence
. (Because you are not able to follow
instructions right now you have earned 20 minutes in time out.)
5.
Pre-teach
. ( I am going to give you 1 minute to
get ready to follow instructions, and then I will ask you to follow an
instruction. If you don’t follow the
instruction, then you will earn 20 minutes in time out and an extra chore. Then I will ask you to follow another
instruction. If you choose not to follow
the third instruction, then you will earn 20 minutes in time out, an extra
chore, and you will loose all of your privileges for 24 hours.)
6. Second
Instruction. ( Quin, I need you to open your fists.)
**
If this goes well, then build on it.
Give specific praise and give other instructions until the youth is
completely in control. Then corrective
teach the AOut of control” behavior. Then corrective teach the initial
problem. Then follow through with what
has been earned.
6.
Description.. (You did not look at me you did not have a
calm voice and face, you did not say OK, and you didn’t check back.
7.
Consequence. (Because you are not choosing to follow
instructions yet, you have earned 20 minutes in time out and an extra chore.)
8.
Pre-teach and
empathy. ( I know that you want the
explain how you feel to me, but I can’t talk to you until you can follow
instructions. I am going to give you a
minute to get ready to follow instructions, then if you choose not to you will
earn 20 minutes time out, an extra chore and loose you privileges for 24
hours. This means that you will not be
able to attend your friend’s birthday party tomorrow. )
10. Third
Instruction. (Quin, I need you to open
your fists.)
** If this goes well, see above **
11.
Description. ( You didn’t look at
me, you didn’t have a calm voice and face, you didn’t say OK, and you didn’t check
back.)
12.
Consequence. ( Because you didn’t
follow the instruction, you have earned 20 minutes, time out, an extra chore
and have lost all your privileges for 24 hours.)
After If the youth goes all the way to losing
all of her privs, then she could stay “Out of instructional control” for some
time. Try your very best to not let the
youth monopolize your time. That is
usually what kind of control they are seeking with this kind of behavior. Keep the youth in sight. If the youth is not dangerous then do other
fun things with your other kids to reward them for their good behavior. i.e. play games, eat snacks, read a story
etc. Continue to give following instruction prompts every 10- 20 minutes.
***If
the youth attempts to hurt himself, others, or property in your home it might
be necessary to do a soft restraint. Get
them to their knees and hug firmly around their arms to control them . Tell them that you will let go when they can
follow a simple instruction. I hate
doing this! It is always the last
resort. Hopefully your child’s behavior
is not aggressive enough to have to practice this. Don’t ever give in to these behaviors, or
the length of them will increase not decrease.
If the teaching is consistent the youth will learn the system
quickly. My children rarely go beyond
the first instruction any more.
5 second rule: To keep other children away from the situation we use the “5 second
rule”. This gets rid of an audience and
keeps other children from learning bad behaviors. I call out “5 second rule,” and all the other
youth in the home go to their rooms and shut the doors until I come to get
them. They will do it, because when I
come to get them I give much praise and usually give some sort of a
reward. (Ice cream etc.) Just using this rule can stop out of control
behavior sometimes. The youth soon
realizes, that when he is bad, everyone else gets rewarded.
F.
Counseling: This is different than the
other styles of teaching, because there aren’t really exact steps to reference
to. Counseling is necessary when dealing
with a large issue for the first time.
(Dating, peer problems, school problems, drugs, etc.) Find a special time to talk one on one before
attempting to counsel. Over the dinner
table is not a good time unless you are alone.
It can be as easy as “Do you want
to come out on the porch and have a popsicle with me?”
1.
Teacher’s
responsibilities: For the most part the teacher should strike up conversation
and then be a listening ear for a while.
Try to sort out the issue using pros and cons. Then give gentle advice. Maybe tell about your youth. Together make a plan and appropriate
consequences. Don’t judge the youth for
her opinions. You will not be able to
make a plan if the youth gets angry.
Show many Quality components and speak with empathy and concern.
2. Counseling can also be effective if an issue
hasn’t come up for a long time or right after the steps for Intensive teaching
have been completed if necessary.
The skills of Preaching in a homeschooling context (But great for everyone!)
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