Last Class Recap/Followup
Last month, in our parenting workshop we talked about:
-the attributes of Heavenly Father as a parent
-how the changes you want for your family begin with
YOU!
-power of staying CALM and how to do it.
More thoughts on staying calm:
7 Ways to Relieve stress in Under an Hour- Click here
Prevention Magazine:
“5 Ways to Calm Down Fast” - Click Here
Helpful Calming Techniques - Click Here
Getting to Know Your Children Inside Out – Part 1
Taken from
the Book Principles of Self Government – Parenting a House United
I.
Know Your
Children
To inspire your child to govern his own behaviors, and
find the mission he was sent to this earth to perform, you have to know who he
is and what is inside of him. Before and
during teaching your children the skills to govern themselves, make sure you
can always answer the following questions:
-What does my child want more than anything else right
now?
- How does my child see the world?
- How does my child communicate her feelings to
people?
- What does my child think about me?
Be honest. Do
they feel they can trust you?
Write the names of your children or family members
down the left margin of this paper.
After each of the next segments, write the appropriate description next
to each person listed on your paper.
I.
Talkers vs. Listeners
Talkers:
For the most part, talkers are easy. At some point, they will tell you everything you
want to know. If you have a problem with
them or they have a problem with you, you can talk it all out and then the
issue is really over.
The bad part about talkers is they get themselves in
trouble by talking too much or at the wrong times. Talkers have a bad habit of “putting their
foot in their mouth.” Talkers are more
apt to talk back to their elders, tell thoughts they should have just kept to
themselves.
Take the time to educate your talkers on when
behaviors are appropriate. A good phrase
to use is:
“This is not the time or the place.”
Helping
Talkers Learn How to Stop Talking:
-
If you are going to an occasion where excessive
talking is not socially acceptable, prepare the child by talking about the
appropriate behavior which is expected, and remind them of the negative and
positive consequences to following instructions.
-
Teach children how to accept “no” answers so that they
are prepared to accept your authority as their parent when you say, “You need
to stop talking.”
Listeners:
Listeners are not always easy to pick out as you would
think. The stereotypical listener is on
the quiet side. He watches and listens
to everything you say, but doesn’t ever give you feedback. The listener is having a conversation with
you inside his head the whole time you are talking. He doesn’t throw out his pearls of wisdom and
thought to just anyone, anywhere. Before
the listener will tell you the amazing thoughts which are happening inside his
head, he has to be sure you are a true friend, and a trustworthy person. He will also wait for an environment where he
feels safe to talk to you.
Helping
Listeners Learn How to Talk:
- If your child has a hard time
opening up with you at home, give them 10 min. alone time each day to just talk
with you. Let everyone else know that
during the appointed time, you are not to be interrupted. During this time ask questions and have them
practice giving answers. Encourage them
to ask you questions.
Many people can be a combination of talkers and listeners. If a child is a talker, and suddenly becomes
a listener it may be a sign of an honesty issue.
Add
talker or listener to each name on your list:
II.
Planners vs. Live in the Moment People
Planners:
If you
are a spontaneous parent, try to prepare your planners by giving them
information on what you are doing for the day.
With
planners, try to always remember to give them a new plan if the old plan is
going to change. At the same time, if
they know how to accept “no” answers and disagree appropriately then they
shouldn’t have too much trouble with changing plans anyway. (These skills will be introduced in a future
workshop).
Planners
are often anxious they will never get missed opportunities again. This anxiety causes a lot of emotional stress
which usually manifests itself in tears, pouting, and attitude problems.
Live in the Moment:
Live in the
moment people seem to go along for the ride, no matter where it takes
them. If there was a plan, and the plan
changes, they don’t mind too much. Live
in the moment people seem to look at each moment separately and don’t get too
attached to things working out according to plan right then.
It could
be easy to assume that live in the moment people don’t experience stress; this
is not true. If life becomes too
planned, a live in the moment person becomes miserable because he feels his
need for spontaneous living isn’t met.
Live in the moment people do need time to just “live.” So, make sure they have time every day to
study the things they want to study and do the activities they want to do. These free moments fuel their souls and give
them inspiration for the more structured times.
Help each
child to become a good mix! Add planner
and live in the moment to the names on your list.
III.
Line Drivers vs. Road Makers
Line Drivers:
They like
to do things exactly “right.” If they
can’t do it “right” then they think they cannot do the task. Line drivers are great at precision and
following instructions.
Be sure
to show line driver children exactly what you want them to do when you give
them instructions. Ask them something
like, “Do you know the steps to cleaning the bathroom now? What are they? Fantastic!
You are ready to do it all by yourself now! You sure are growing bigger!”
Line
drivers also work well with lists. You
could make a list of the steps to doing a chore while you are teaching them so
they can refer to it next time.
Road Makers:
Road
makers like to invent stuff and follow their own set of rules. They see life as an adventure in
exploration. They are not intimidated by
much. When road makers are confronted
with a problem, they look at the problem and decide what kind of road to make
in order to manage or solve the problem.
Whether the road is good or bad is not a part of this explanation
Tips for
parenting a road maker:
- Let them try new things and fail. Failure is important for roadmakers to
experience.
- If you want something done right
ask them to verbally go over the steps to a task before you have them
begin.
- Try to let go of some of your line
driver tendencies. There are many ways
to solve a problem.
- If you want something done
specifically be sure to give specific instructions, otherwise the roadmaker
will do it her way.
Where
line drivers are a bit more dependent upon a certain way of doing things to
guide them, road makers are often times too independent. Is there a happy medium? Yes, most adults end up being a mixture of
both.
Add line
driver or road maker to the names on your list.
IV.
Detail Oriented vs. Big Picture Oriented
Detail Oriented:
Detail
oriented people usually like to see proof before they will buy into a vision or
an idea. Books are always good for evidence. When I have a child who becomes argumentative
about family policy or who gets so caught up in details that they become overwhelmed
I remember to talk things out more with my detail oriented child.
Big Picture Oriented:
Are great
at seeing the whole picture, but don’t always take care of the details they
need to. Big picture easily relate concepts
together.
The world
needs people who are good at seeing big pictures and details, but for a family
to run effectively there needs to be both big pictures and details, so each
family member has to work on trying to improve perspective in the area where
they are weak.
Add
detail oriented or big picture oriented beside each name on your list.
V.
Love Languages
Great
book called The Five Love Languages of
Children.
-words of
affirmation
-physical
touch
-gifts
-quality
time
-acts of
service
It’s good
for everyone in the family to know each other’s love languages. Idea:
make it into a FHE game.
VI.
Motivators
What does
your child like most? Snacks, money,
play alone time, play time with friends, time with mom and dad, movies,
computer games, books, surprises, gifts, telephone calls? Assess on a regular basis what your children
care most about so you can be prepared to help them set goals if they are having
a hard time choosing to control their behaviors.
Make a
list of what motivates each child most.
If you are not sure, ask them. They
know. You never know when this list will
come in handy!
Getting to Know Your Children Inside Out – Part 2
Energy Profiling
I.
Why Energy Profiling?
This month, we are learning about something that has
DRASTICALLY changed and improved my relationships with each member of my family
by helping me to clearly and thoroughly understand them better. It's called energy profiling, and it is
AWESOME!!!
Each one of Heavenly Father’s Children is so unique
and special! Think of snowflakes...no snowflake is alike, however if you look
closely the basic structures are the same. Some are 5 pointed snowflakes, some
are triangular....each one unique but sharing common themes.
The basis for Energy Profiling in the book The Child
Whisperer is that every child expresses one (or more!) of four general patterns
in their body language, behavior and personality. They’re what Tuttle calls the
“Four Types.” The idea is that if you honor your child for who they are the
most core level they will be happier, more cooperative, and you will need to
discipline them less. We’re listening, Carol!
The better we can understand their energy types, the
better we can tailor our parenting approaches. The results will grow into a
wonderful relationship of love and trust, and they will feel a HUGE relief,
knowing "My mom gets me!" I am
seeing this happen within my own family and it has been powerful. I can honestly
say that tantrums are a thing of the past.
I came across this information thanks to a friend who
responded to a prompting to drop off a book at my house. The timing was
impeccable and totally inspired. I had just been praying and pleading, crying
to Heavenly Father over one child whom I was constantly struggling with. I
couldn't figure him out at all and I was stumped! Nothing was working and it
was disrupting the whole home. After studying about the different energy types,
I have been able to make huge strides! I
was also able to meet Carol and take her class during a Winter Homeschool Conference
last January at Weber State. This
information is from those notes, as well as from her websites.
II.
What Is Energy Profiling?
“The beauty of Energy Profiling®
is that it does not just look at a person’s personality, it also includes
behavior tendencies, thought and feeling processes, body language, and physical
features. It is a simple system taught in a concise way that is easy to learn
and apply.
What makes Energy Profiling® one
of the most accurate assessment tools is it’s reference to not only personality
traits, but to our unique expression in body language and physical features.
Because personality can be altered, adapted, and shamed, many people are
not living true to their dominant expression in all areas of life.
Consider the possibility that the way you doodle and your facial features
may say more about who you really are than your personality!
Here is a quick overview of each
Type:
1
Nitrogen, Type 1: The bright, animated person who has a gift for new ideas and
possibilities. The natural movement of Type 1 is upward and light. This can be
seen in a Type 1 person’s personality and also their body language and physical
features. A person with a dominant Type 1 expression is naturally an upward,
light, upbeat person. Famous Type 1 people include: Rachel Ray, Goldie Hawn,
Jim Carrey, and Will Smith.
2
Oxygen, Type 2: The soft and calming person who has a gift for gathering
details and making plans. The natural movement of Type 2 is fluid and flowing.
This can be seen in a Type 2 person’s personality and also in their body
language ad physical features. Famous Type 2 people include: Jennifer Aniston,
Emma Thompson, Randy Jackson, and Richard Gere.
3
Hydrogen, Type 3: The swift and dynamic person who has a gift for moving into
action quickly to create practical and lasting results. The natural movement of
Type 3 is active and reactive. This can be seen in a Type 3 person’s
personality and also in their body language and physical features. Famous Type
3 people include: Robert Redford, Hugh Jackman, Tina Turner, and Maria Shriver.
4
Carbon, Type 4: The structured and exact person who has a gift for looking at
the world through a critical eye and perfecting it. The natural movement of a
Type 4 person is constant and precise. This can be seen in a Type 4 person’s
personality and also in their body language and physical features. Famous Type
4 people include: Keanu Reeves, Simon Cowell, Demi Moore, and Audrey Hepburn.”
I love how each energy type lends
their gifts to complete a process.
Type 1’s have the ideas
Type 2’s make the plans and work
out the details
Type 3’s put the plan into action
Type 4’s look at the entire
system, recognize flaws, and perfect it to run more smoothly.
I can see how the adversary would
influence us to see some of these gifts in others as annoyances or as
weaknesses. Understanding and honoring a
spouse or a child’s energy type can reduce friction and help us to focus on
their gifts and stand in awe at what they have to offer us and the world, rather
than dwelling on what we perceive as weaknesses.
IV. How Does
This Relate to Parenting?
Sometimes our parenting
strategy is contrary to our child’s true nature and it causes friction.
Albert Einstein wrote, “Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole
life believing that it is stupid.” The question I have for you at this point of
our journey together is, “What is your genius?”
Learning your child’s
energy type can help you to find their genius.
You will be able to teach them and communicate with them based on their
learning style/nature.
You will be able to raise
your children to know and say to you:
“You get me, you know me, you love and value me.”
Misbehavior is usually 3
steps out of the root stressor. Then we
discipline that behavior and get into patterns.
Knowing your child’s energy type can help you identify the root
stressor. Are they worried? Are they feeling misunderstood or stifled?
Has your child ever said,
“I hate you?” The translation of message
is really:
“I hate that you don’t get me. This is hard.”
Each child has a dominant
type of movement, in which they relate to the world. You can also identify a child or person’s
energy type based on their facial features.
More details on the energy types in children:
V. An In Depth Look at
the Four Types from a Parenting Perspective
Type 1 Children
·
Are Fun loving
·
Their gifts
are – Ideas, and the ability to connect and disconnect quickly
·
Facial
features: Circles, widow’s peaks, faces
create hearts, apple cheeks, star points, large grin and smiling face, pointed
ears, button noses, their faces express more animation and youthfulness.
·
Up and out
movement, like air. They are animated.
They are everyone’s friend, playful, they lift the energy in a room.
·
Their
preferred method of connection is: social
Parents can motivate Type
1 children by offering them social interactions or by making things fun. For example, a Type 1 child will be excited
to do their chores if they are made into a game. Waiting at the dr.’s office can be pleasant
if parents can encourage them to use their creativity to find a way to make it
fun. Learning will not be resisted if it
is in the form of something fun, or set to music.
Mistakes parents often
make with a Type 1:
Don’t set Type 1’s and 3’s
up for failure by putting them in a situation where they have to sit
still. It isn’t reasonable to expect a higher
energy child to sit for long periods of time.
Children can often take
over types 1 and 2 parents with less structure.
·
Type 1’s are
often judged as flighty, hyperactive, unreliable
·
Learning
style: priority should be given to hands
based, interactive learning. Will thrive
in networks, newness, field trips, meeting different people.
How to Communicate Better with
a Type 1: Click Here
If you are a Type 1
parent
·
You may be all
over the place
·
Try not to create
frenzied energy
·
Help yourself
to bring balance, do grounding exercises
·
Take it a day
at a time. Ask yourself what’s the
priority for the day? Am I having
fun? Is there a sense of order and
harmony here? Is too much going on? Type 1’s say yes too easily and can overload
themselves.
Podcast on mistakes
Type 1 moms often make: Click Here
Type 2 Children
·
Sensitive
child. Thoughtful, tender, gentle, need
things to be comfortable, will take on other’s energies. Often Introverted
·
Deep powerful
movement, like downward flowing water.
·
Their gifts
are: Making plans, and working out the details,
·
Facial
features: Downward movement towards
jawline, S curves, hooded brow, lips turn down, oval face. Softer, more sensitive quality. Doe eyes.
·
Primary method
of connection – Emotional (which may mean lots of whining!)
Child whisperer blog – How
to End Whining - Click Here
·
Type 2’s need
lots of validation. You can say, “Thanks
for sharing,” without actually having to agree.
·
Type 2’s are
often judged as: Shy, slow, wimpy, hypersensitive
Moms can talk about your Type
2 children in front of them- the way you want to validate them and feed their
energy.
·
Learning style
– need a plan as a priority, have them be involved in the plan
·
Need cuddles
and connection physically
·
Need time to
adapt to new environments, gradually help them feel comfortable – gradually.
Let them know things ahead of time
·
Type 2 boys
and men love gadgets and techy stuff
·
Are Worriers
Mistakes parents often
make raising a Type 2 child: - Click Here
Teach them to express
their emotions correctly and help them feel safe doing it. Do not tell them to stop crying or expressing
themselves.
If you are a Type 2 parent:
Caring often turns to
worrying. Dad’s especially may be over
planning or detail planning your kids. Children
can often take over types 1 and 2 parents with less structure.
How to Communicate Better with
a Type 2: Click Here
Type 3 Children
·
The determined
child
·
active,
determined, busy, energetic, take charge
·
Primary
connection – Physical
·
They like
hands on projects, they think big.
·
Facial
features: More substantial nose, “Lump
of clay” nose, angular, asymmetrical features, deep smile lines, textured skin, determined
and dynamic, or even exotic beauty.
Rugged.
·
Practical – They
will ask, “What’s the value of this?”
·
Type 3’s are
often judged as: too loud, demanding,
defiant, pushy
·
They need lots
of physical activity and outdoors
Parents can motivate Type
3 children by saying “How fast can you get that done?” Then let them earn a reward. For example, you can turn doing chores into a
race. You can get a Type 3 kid to do
just about anything if you turn it into a competition “I’ll time you.”
If you have a toddler that
takes off clothes, climbs out of the crib, etc.
Remove the temptations.
Find out what motivates
them then have them work towards it. They
will work towards sleeping through the night, getting out of pull-ups etc. if
there is something they are extremely motivated towards.
If you have having power
struggles with your Type 3 kids, create a pool of ideas then let them choose
one and help them go for it!
·
School – do
best with outside learning, projects, sports, gardening, crafts, sewing,
cooking, bring math in. They are results
oriented, and like quick results. They
will learn as they go. They need lots of
hands on, field trips, and adventure.
If you are a Type 3
Parent
Type 3 and 4 parents can often
push too hard. Their big and determined
energy can overpower a child with a slower energy. Be mindful of everyone’s energy types, and in
your hurry to “get it done” take a minute to be present and really listen when
people are talking to you.
Mistakes Parents often
make raising a Type 3 Child - Click Here
Type 3’s get shushed a
lot, and hear “why can’t you sit still?” a lot.
Don’t ever shush a type 3, it can be damaging. Moms can say, “Wow! That was passionate! Can you say it a little softer?”
How to Communicate Better with
a Type 3: Click Here
Type 4 Children
·
The more
serious child
·
Movement is
linear
·
Primary
connection - Intellectual
·
Type 4’s are
often judged as: “know it alls”, perfectionist, critical, controlling
·
Primary need –
Need sense of authority, and balance.
·
Fewer friends,
have need for solitude.
·
Facial
features: Long angular shapes. Parallel lines, defined, sculpted jaw lines,
symmetrical. Classic, serious expressions.
Stillness, poise, exactness.
·
Self managed,
structured, can succeed on their own.
Parents need to give Type
4’s lots of structure, support and validation.
They like thoroughness. Let your
child lead the preference as far as picking out friend types.
A common phrase heard from
a Type 4 child is: “That’s stupid.” They
don’t see the point in doing something unless they understand why it is
important. They will be more motivated
to do chores for example, if you point out how it makes the home better, how
they are building skills, and invite them to think of a better or more
efficient system for getting it done. Help
them socialize and balance that introverted nature. Let them be a part of the decisions.
Moms can say, “Her idea
was great for her!”
“I’m done talking about
it.”
Create definition: “I can listen to you for 15 min.”
If you are a Type 4
parent:
Type 3 and 4 parents can
often push too hard. A type 4 bold
energy can take over those with softer energies. Try to respect all energy types and natures. Not everyone has to do it your way, other
people approach things differently and that is what works best for them.
Type 4 parent is
structured but can also choke out spontaneity and fun.
Mistakes moms often
make raising a Type 4 child: - Click Here
Type 4’s will often feel
overlooked. They are very private. Don’t correct them in public or shame
them.
Teach them they are
know-it-alls for themselves. “You’re the
authority of your own space.” It will
help prevent them from doing it to everyone else. Type 4’s are very particular. Don’t touch their stuff.
How to Communicate Better with
a Type 4: - Click Here
VI. Helping Families with Different Energy Type
Combinations
The Relationship Series
Relationship combinations, ideas for creating unity and overcoming challenges that come with these. Click on each type for the link to a video tutorial.
VII. More Information and Resources:
Prayerfully ask to be guided to the resources you need for
your family.
Books:
It’s Just
My Nature, The Child Whisperer – the Ultimate Handbook for Raising Happy,
Successful, Cooperative Children
If you
have any parenting questions, you can call in to Carol’s podcasts: The number
is 1-347-677-1963
Practice
facial profiling: http://thecarolblog.com/can-you-determine-the-energy-types-of-these-twins/
Guide to
Identifying Your Type: http://thecarolblog.com/how-to-determine-your-true-type/?guide_id=20198
Guide to
Clearer Communication with All 4 Types: http://thecarolblog.com/communicate-better-type-1-thoughts/?guide_id=20645
